So, we finally gave in and got Dish Network. I feel so worldly (my apologies to all of you who already had Dish - no insult intended). They finally sucked us in with their $19.99 package, which of course turned into $31.98 after we added local channels and DVR. Ah well.
The funny thing is, I didn't realize how different it would be for the kids to have "real" kids channels instead of just PBS. For one thing, they have been mesmerized - there are shows on all the time! Something else that is new to the kids are commercials. I don't know how many times I have heard over the last few days, "Mommy, can we get that?" I overheard a conversation between Heath and Jacob in which Heath was trying to explain that we couldn't/wouldn't/shouldn't buy everything we see on TV. Jacob sounded honestly bewildered by the idea. Whyever not? From his perspective, he had no idea that all these cool toys were available; it is breaking news and now that he knows, he must act!
So, my conclusion is that we are going to record anything they might want to watch, and fast forward the commercials. This will also prevent them from getting sucked into cartoons that I don't want them to watch, that come on after the ones that they are allowed to watch. Boy, I sound like a crazy person. But there are actually cartoons that are not suitable for kids, I promise!
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
and thanksgiving....
I am thankful that one of the kids' favorite shows came on right after I threw up, so I could rest while they were occupied with it. I am also thankful that I was able to change Ethan just now without throwing up a second time, and that Jacob is big enough now to actually carry the jug of milk out of the fridge and bring it to me to fill his cup.
prayer request
Please pray for me today. It seems that the throwing up has started. I'm scared - scared that it will last until 20 weeks like it did with Jacob, or the whole pregnancy like it did with Ethan. I am desperately trying to trust God. I believe he can keep me healthy through the whole prenancy so that I can carry the baby until he or she is ready to be born. I know that morning sickness (which should be called all-day sickness) is a normal part of a healthy pregnancy for half of women, so I don't worry that it means the pregnancy is unhealthy. It just makes it difficult for me to deal with the boys.
I sent in a referral request to the daycare agency yesterday to see if there's anyone in the neighborhood who might accept drop-ins. Or even half-days every day if they must have someone regular (not that I would necessarily take them every day even if we had to pay for it). I know a lot of people have to pay $1000-2000 in insurance deductibles and co-pays to have a baby, but we don't have a deductible on our insurance, so we are going to end up paying just $15 or so for the entire pregnancy. So, if we have to pay $1000 for daycare over the course of the pregnancy, I figure that is still less than a lot of people pay to get a baby. Certainly less than it would cost to adopt. As long as I can find a good daycare where the boys aren't exposed to anything that will undermine what we are trying to teach them here at home, I think it would be okay. Grandma and Gail, are you sure you don't want to move to Wichita? ;-) We also talked about hiring a part-time mother' s helper instead, advertising in the college listings, but that seems so complicated right now. It wouldn't necessarily be any more expensive than daycare, but the thought of the hiring process seems daunting right now.
By the way, my blood pressure is still okay - I've been taking it regularly at it has stayed right around 125/75. My first prenatal doctor appointment is in two weeks. Thank you all for your love and support and prayers, and for reading this far. I am so blessed with the family and friends God has given me.
I sent in a referral request to the daycare agency yesterday to see if there's anyone in the neighborhood who might accept drop-ins. Or even half-days every day if they must have someone regular (not that I would necessarily take them every day even if we had to pay for it). I know a lot of people have to pay $1000-2000 in insurance deductibles and co-pays to have a baby, but we don't have a deductible on our insurance, so we are going to end up paying just $15 or so for the entire pregnancy. So, if we have to pay $1000 for daycare over the course of the pregnancy, I figure that is still less than a lot of people pay to get a baby. Certainly less than it would cost to adopt. As long as I can find a good daycare where the boys aren't exposed to anything that will undermine what we are trying to teach them here at home, I think it would be okay. Grandma and Gail, are you sure you don't want to move to Wichita? ;-) We also talked about hiring a part-time mother' s helper instead, advertising in the college listings, but that seems so complicated right now. It wouldn't necessarily be any more expensive than daycare, but the thought of the hiring process seems daunting right now.
By the way, my blood pressure is still okay - I've been taking it regularly at it has stayed right around 125/75. My first prenatal doctor appointment is in two weeks. Thank you all for your love and support and prayers, and for reading this far. I am so blessed with the family and friends God has given me.
Friday, October 20, 2006
missional
I'm feeling much better today, horray!
We have visited a new church several times lately, and so we have also been visiting the new church's blog: www.wheatlandmission.org. There is much discussion at this church, and in the Church in general, about this idea of "missional living." I thought I knew what this meant, but to make sure I went and read an article suggested on the WM site: http://blindbeggar.org/?p=315 This is a pretty neat article; I like the concrete images used to explain the idea.
After reading the article, though, I thought, "Isn't this just being a Christian?" I mean, if you are really following Christ, and letting yourself be transformed by His Word and His Spirit, isn't this how your life will look? But then I realized, I am just so blessed to be surrounded by the Christians that I know. That's why it seems to me that every Christian wants their life to look like this. Maybe it's because many of us recently read Blue Like Jazz by Don Miller and discussed it at length with each other. Maybe that is what helped us to all get back on the same page and remind each other again what the life of Christ is really about. Not that we are all doing well at living these things, but I think most of the Christians who I know well would read the images from the Blind Beggar article and say "Yes! That's what I want to strive for. Thanks for the reminder and example."
Along these lines... how do we develop relationships with our next-door neighbors? I am here all day, going in and out of the house, and sometimes staying outside for extended periods with the kids. Yet I rarely, rarely see my neighbors. They are gone at work all day. When they do come home, they go inside and don't come back out. My next door neighbors have a beautifully manicured and landscaped back yard with a swingset and a freshly stained covered deck. I have seen them out there one or two times total since we moved in 5 months ago. When we first moved in, we went door to door and introduced ourselves to our neighbors to the north, south, and west. But we have hardly seen them since - just a few words exchanged with the man next door (who I have only seen to speak to during the day when Heath is not here - so hardly appropriate for me to try to deepen that friendship on my own).
Heath is having great opportunities at work though. Besides meeting a couple of other Christian guys he can fellowship with and encourage, he has met several Indian Hindu men. He has started to develop friendships with one or two of them, and hopefully that can be our door to the "outside world." I also have wanted to volunteer at His Helping Hands ever since we moved here, but I haven't been sure of what I could do with the kids in tow.
I guess the bottom line is, we have to continue to encourage each other to "live missionally" - or in my words, to live like Christ would in our time. To not become so isolated, so self-absorbed, so focused on material things or success that we forget to bear one another's burdens, to be humble and ready to serve during the short time we have here on earth - so that Christ's life and message will spread to everyone who is a part of each of our worlds.
We have visited a new church several times lately, and so we have also been visiting the new church's blog: www.wheatlandmission.org. There is much discussion at this church, and in the Church in general, about this idea of "missional living." I thought I knew what this meant, but to make sure I went and read an article suggested on the WM site: http://blindbeggar.org/?p=315 This is a pretty neat article; I like the concrete images used to explain the idea.
After reading the article, though, I thought, "Isn't this just being a Christian?" I mean, if you are really following Christ, and letting yourself be transformed by His Word and His Spirit, isn't this how your life will look? But then I realized, I am just so blessed to be surrounded by the Christians that I know. That's why it seems to me that every Christian wants their life to look like this. Maybe it's because many of us recently read Blue Like Jazz by Don Miller and discussed it at length with each other. Maybe that is what helped us to all get back on the same page and remind each other again what the life of Christ is really about. Not that we are all doing well at living these things, but I think most of the Christians who I know well would read the images from the Blind Beggar article and say "Yes! That's what I want to strive for. Thanks for the reminder and example."
Along these lines... how do we develop relationships with our next-door neighbors? I am here all day, going in and out of the house, and sometimes staying outside for extended periods with the kids. Yet I rarely, rarely see my neighbors. They are gone at work all day. When they do come home, they go inside and don't come back out. My next door neighbors have a beautifully manicured and landscaped back yard with a swingset and a freshly stained covered deck. I have seen them out there one or two times total since we moved in 5 months ago. When we first moved in, we went door to door and introduced ourselves to our neighbors to the north, south, and west. But we have hardly seen them since - just a few words exchanged with the man next door (who I have only seen to speak to during the day when Heath is not here - so hardly appropriate for me to try to deepen that friendship on my own).
Heath is having great opportunities at work though. Besides meeting a couple of other Christian guys he can fellowship with and encourage, he has met several Indian Hindu men. He has started to develop friendships with one or two of them, and hopefully that can be our door to the "outside world." I also have wanted to volunteer at His Helping Hands ever since we moved here, but I haven't been sure of what I could do with the kids in tow.
I guess the bottom line is, we have to continue to encourage each other to "live missionally" - or in my words, to live like Christ would in our time. To not become so isolated, so self-absorbed, so focused on material things or success that we forget to bear one another's burdens, to be humble and ready to serve during the short time we have here on earth - so that Christ's life and message will spread to everyone who is a part of each of our worlds.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
barefoot and....
I am definitely feeling pregnant today. Shouldn't it feel glorious and natural to be pregnant? Ah, it is so not the case for me. My head feels swollen and is pounding. I feel like I've taken a sedative and like it's going to cause me to fall instantly into deep sleep, like a narcoleptic. My brain is fuzzy and unwieldy - it's like I've lost all my mental "sharpness." My digestion is all messed up. I feel like my eyes aren't quite tracking, which adds to my already-threatening nausea. Whew, there you have it. Definitely pregnant. It's just part of the deal I guess. Eight months or so of feeling weird and sometimes just plain horrible, in order to be part of God bringing a new soul into the world, a soul that will be part of our family. I am surprised that I did actually forget how this feels, though. I kept telling myself to remember that it was really really hard, and I tried to be prepared, but I guess it is just impossible to really remember. It is easier being at a different place in life this time, though - the physical symptoms are the same, but the attitude and capabilities of each member of the family are different. Heath is being really, really good to me, and the kids demand less from me than they did just 2 years ago.
When I dropped the kids off at the nursery to go to my women's Bible study this morning, the nursery workers told me how well-behaved and pleasant my kids have been lately. That always makes a Mom feel very happy. How ironic considering I was just saying how much trouble I was having with Jacob's behavior at home. But I am really glad that they are good for other people even if not for me. I did buy several books on dealing with strong-willed kids, and last night while reading one I thought, yep, yep, that's Jacob for sure. But then when I was interacting with him today, I realized he's definitely not as extreme as some of the kids described in the book - it's like he's a strong-willed child on half the issues in his life, and he's sweet and easy to train on the other half.
Well, I don't seem to have anything amusing or profound to say today. Sorry about that. :-)
When I dropped the kids off at the nursery to go to my women's Bible study this morning, the nursery workers told me how well-behaved and pleasant my kids have been lately. That always makes a Mom feel very happy. How ironic considering I was just saying how much trouble I was having with Jacob's behavior at home. But I am really glad that they are good for other people even if not for me. I did buy several books on dealing with strong-willed kids, and last night while reading one I thought, yep, yep, that's Jacob for sure. But then when I was interacting with him today, I realized he's definitely not as extreme as some of the kids described in the book - it's like he's a strong-willed child on half the issues in his life, and he's sweet and easy to train on the other half.
Well, I don't seem to have anything amusing or profound to say today. Sorry about that. :-)
Sunday, October 15, 2006
just a picture, please
Thank you, Aunt Gail, for letting Jacob watch Discovery Health. (hah, hah) Just now we were talking about the new baby we are going to have, and finding out whether it is a girl or a boy. He says, shyly, "But Mommy, can you get me a babysitter for that part? It might be kind of scary." And I said, "For the part when they take a picture of the baby through Mommy's tummy? Of course!" And he said, "No, for the part when the baby comes out. I would watch.... [trailing off as he decides how much he wants to agree to watch]... Maybe I'll just see a picture." I, of course, reassured him that he didn't have to be there for that part, that Mommy would have Daddy and a doctor to help me and that he could stay at home with one of his Grandmas.
Friday, October 13, 2006
2 quotes and 2 poems
Uh-oh, it's been a week since I've blogged! I keep thinking of things I want to put on here, but then I don't get the chance and it slips away. Two such things I do remember.... The other morning, Jacob said to me, "Does Daddy have any more dirty work today?" I thought that was so funny, because it made it sound like they had been dumping bodies in the river over the weekend or something. Really, they had been cutting off tree branches and trimming bushes in the back yard. The other thing was this morning. Jacob snuck into our bed, and he was very cold. He whispered, "Mommy, it's like Antartica in my bedroom!" We just read about Antartica in his children's encyclopedia this week, but I was still amazed that he said it perfectly.
I found my old folder of poems this week while digging through boxes in the garage. I think I will post a few on here. Here are a couple from my poetry class:
Life as Normal
14 years old, blonde ponytail, crisp-pleated cheerleading skirt
Sleepy little town in the middle of nowhere
with a brick main street and hideaways on the outskirts of town for illegal beer
Summer-dried grass crunches beneath my feet on the worn path home
Crunch to broken sidewalk to manicured lawn of the First Baptist Church to red dirt alleyway -- Almost home.
White Oldsmobile with a broken taillight resting heavily,
still
in the sloped driveway
Near the modest yellow sided house
with overgrown bushes and a large picture window
Dad's home already?
A lag in my step, almost unnoticeable
And a cold dullness descends
Life as normal in a sleepy small town
My poetry professor thought I was describing a situation where a girl was being abused by her father, and was nervous because she saw he was home early. Yikes! Actually, this was describing an experience I had (maybe several times) right after my Dad died. It's weird how you will forget someone is gone. Your brain just can't comprehend or keep hold of the fact at first. I think this was the poem where you were supposed to use sensory descriptors to set the emotional tone, without describing the emotions explicitly. I got points counted off for the second to the last line because it was too explicit.
Yvonne
One day
We danced
And I thought I'd nearly burst my joy over
flowed
alone
And we'll spin and dance again
With your wild curls trai
ling
Sorry, these are both really depressing poems, huh? This was a hard semester, I guess. This one is about my friend Yvonne who was killed in a car accident. The assignment was to use visual cues to add depth to the poem (something to that affect anyway). I was describing the joyous little-girl openness and the hope of eternity that we shared in our friendship.
I found my old folder of poems this week while digging through boxes in the garage. I think I will post a few on here. Here are a couple from my poetry class:
Life as Normal
14 years old, blonde ponytail, crisp-pleated cheerleading skirt
Sleepy little town in the middle of nowhere
with a brick main street and hideaways on the outskirts of town for illegal beer
Summer-dried grass crunches beneath my feet on the worn path home
Crunch to broken sidewalk to manicured lawn of the First Baptist Church to red dirt alleyway -- Almost home.
White Oldsmobile with a broken taillight resting heavily,
still
in the sloped driveway
Near the modest yellow sided house
with overgrown bushes and a large picture window
Dad's home already?
A lag in my step, almost unnoticeable
And a cold dullness descends
Life as normal in a sleepy small town
My poetry professor thought I was describing a situation where a girl was being abused by her father, and was nervous because she saw he was home early. Yikes! Actually, this was describing an experience I had (maybe several times) right after my Dad died. It's weird how you will forget someone is gone. Your brain just can't comprehend or keep hold of the fact at first. I think this was the poem where you were supposed to use sensory descriptors to set the emotional tone, without describing the emotions explicitly. I got points counted off for the second to the last line because it was too explicit.
Yvonne
One day
We danced
And I thought I'd nearly burst my joy over
flowed
The next day
you left me
you left me
alone
I cried wordless prayers
Some day
I'll clasp your small beautiful handsAnd we'll spin and dance again
With your wild curls trai
ling
Sorry, these are both really depressing poems, huh? This was a hard semester, I guess. This one is about my friend Yvonne who was killed in a car accident. The assignment was to use visual cues to add depth to the poem (something to that affect anyway). I was describing the joyous little-girl openness and the hope of eternity that we shared in our friendship.
Friday, October 06, 2006
famous people are normal
One thing I didn't talk about in my Peace Treaty post that was amusing was the "famous" people we saw. Martina McBride - who used to sing at our street dances with her family's band, "The Shiffters" (her maiden name is Schiff) - was riding on a motorcycle in the parade with her Dad, and showed up at one of the shows by surprise and sang for 45 minutes or so. We are all glad to see her when she comes back, but no one acts like she is rich and famous - I don't think she really gets treated much differently than any of the other "talent,"and she doesn't seem to mind. I also saw my ex-boyfriend turned Polo underwear model, and got to introduce Heath to him and be introduced to his wife. He was so normal, too, just back living in ML ranching and enjoying his new baby. I always thought he was the most like Heath of any of the boys I had dated in high school, and it was refreshing to see that he still was - he reacted to the surprise of seeing me again and to the opportunity to introduce his wife and new baby just like I imagine Heath would have in the same position. He must have tons of money stored away somewhere from his modeling days, but you wouldn't know it. I'm glad he and my brother are back on good terms now, too - Jeff once damaged his nose in a brawl at his sister's wedding (I know, pretty classy, huh?) right before he was supposed to leave to do runway work in Milan.
the rules
I think I need to ask for prayer for my relationship with Jacob. These last couple of days, he has been testing me an unbelieveable amount of times each day. Simple rules, that I thought we were past, are being broken every 5-10 minutes. I know this is just what kids do, and he needs to have me reinforce the rules and be diligent, but it is really draining. I am trying not to allow my emotions to be affected as much by it today as they were yesterday, and just administer consequences for rules he breaks, knowing full well they are rules.
For your amusement, for those of you who are past this stage of life with your kids, I thought I'd share some of the rules we are having trouble with:
Don't knock over the fan.
Don't throw cars.
Don't lie to us about whether or not you wiped your butt.
Don't steal toys from Ethan.
Go to the bathroom when you need to - don't wait too late.
Don't get objects off of high surfaces that are not meant for you. (i.e. Daddy's dresser, kitchen counters, etc.)
I'm sure the rules will be about more intense, important matters later. I guess that is why I need to obtain their hearts' obedience now. I unplugged the downstairs TV and computer today so that Jacob and I could both be focused on dealing with these issues. (I'm working on the laptop right now because I am more likely to take it outside with them or close it down in an instant to deal with an incident.) I had to deal decisively with some rebellion this morning, but it seems he is doing better right now.... playing outside here nicely. I gave him some stickers for helping to put away some books, and that is always a good motivator for him.
For your amusement, for those of you who are past this stage of life with your kids, I thought I'd share some of the rules we are having trouble with:
Don't knock over the fan.
Don't throw cars.
Don't lie to us about whether or not you wiped your butt.
Don't steal toys from Ethan.
Go to the bathroom when you need to - don't wait too late.
Don't get objects off of high surfaces that are not meant for you. (i.e. Daddy's dresser, kitchen counters, etc.)
I'm sure the rules will be about more intense, important matters later. I guess that is why I need to obtain their hearts' obedience now. I unplugged the downstairs TV and computer today so that Jacob and I could both be focused on dealing with these issues. (I'm working on the laptop right now because I am more likely to take it outside with them or close it down in an instant to deal with an incident.) I had to deal decisively with some rebellion this morning, but it seems he is doing better right now.... playing outside here nicely. I gave him some stickers for helping to put away some books, and that is always a good motivator for him.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
hero!
Something funny that's been happening lately is that after Ethan goes on the potty, he doesn't want us to put his pullup back on. He says, "No, hero!" Which sounds crazy, except that when they get out of the bath, we put their hooded towels on their heads, and they run around the house pretending to be superheros. So, apparently he thinks being naked is what makes you a superhero - rather than having a cape making you a superhero. We asked,"You have to be naked to be a superhero?" And he nodded his head seriously. Finally, Heath convinced him to get dressed and wear the hooded towel on his head as a superhero. "See, Mommy? Hero!"
I am so incredibly tired. Did you know progesterone is a sedative? I have slept 10 hours in the last 24, and I still feel like I could go back to bed for another 2 or 3 hours. Also my sense of smell has already increased. Whew! Nothing really smells good when it smells strong, you know? And I have been peeing about 20 times a day, yet still mysteriously retaining about 2 extra pounds of water. But I'm not complaining; I am so excited.... :-) Just 250 more days! hah
I am so incredibly tired. Did you know progesterone is a sedative? I have slept 10 hours in the last 24, and I still feel like I could go back to bed for another 2 or 3 hours. Also my sense of smell has already increased. Whew! Nothing really smells good when it smells strong, you know? And I have been peeing about 20 times a day, yet still mysteriously retaining about 2 extra pounds of water. But I'm not complaining; I am so excited.... :-) Just 250 more days! hah
Monday, October 02, 2006
This weekend we went to the Peace Treaty celebration in Medicine Lodge. It was wonderful to offer the experience to my children and to live it again through their eyes. It was such a thrilling time when I was a kid! I was part of the celebration each time it occured during my growing-up years, whether in the parade or the reinactment or both. I wish I had made it down to the park to see the Native American Encampment this time, and it would have been nice to see the Western Art Show as well. But there is only so much you can fit in.
This is an event that happens only every 3 years, and many ML natives return to celebrate. I saw several old friends. Two people I saw seemed to recognize me immediately, but they had to tell me who they were, even after I looked directly in their faces.
There is something unique about growing up in a small town, and that is the fact that you go to school with, and are on sports teams with, and grow up alongside the same set of kids for 18 years. So when you see those people again, even if you never got along very well and haven't talked for 10 years, it is kind of like seeing siblings or cousins. You remember each other's most embarrassing moments, each other's awkward phases of growth, and each other's first kisses. You know whose family was considered prestigious and whose family was considered trashy, by whatever (sometimes arbitrary) standards the town might impose. You know which kids were popular and which weren't, because of or despite their family's reputation. You know who went through exceptional hardships or exceptional triumphs. You know which church each person went to, and whether or not they lived like they went to church.
Beyond the common memories, you share a common understanding of the small town culture. You know about the high school "scene" - about cruising the square, hanging out on certain empty street corners, the creepy older guys who would buy beer for the high school parties, and the deserted country spots where those parties would be. You understand how important sports are in a small town, and how the whole town will turn out for a big game, even if it is hours away; how you all feel the pain of the loss or the triumph of the victory - like somehow the abilities of those 11 high school boys represent how well you all have done. You know that the favorite weekend pasttime of most males from 8-80 is hunting for the bulk of the daylight hours, if they aren't helping on a farm somewhere, and that the high school boys are probably carrying shotguns in the pickups they drive to school so that they can shoot coyotes or bobcats they see on the way (and that school officials are probably still looking the other way when those pickups are parked in front of the school). You know something of rodeo and country dance and country music, and feel somehow connected to it even if it isn't really your thing. You know that you feel a certain comfort by escaping out into the local countryside or sitting next to the county lake (although you can't pinpoint why), and that it seems like most of your peers experience the same feeling.
It is kind of neat to be part of a small town, with shared values and experiences. You don't have to worry as much about what your kids are exposed to, because you know everyone. If someone doesn't share your values, you and everyone in the town knows it. However, a problem arises when you are the one to depart from the majority values. In my particular community, it seems like children are nurtured and protected by the whole community until the teenage years. Then, everyone looks the other way while the teenagers throw parties and drink and smoke and sleep around. I realize now that it was highly improbable that our town police and county sheriffs did not realize that drinking parties were going on, or that certain kids were out "parking." Not only that, but surely the ministers of the various churches knew that certain teens were going wild. But nonetheless there was no accountablity - few tickets issued for underage drinking, no cases of statuatory rape or unlawful sexual relations prosecuted, no teenagers or families taken aside by their ministers and held accountable for what was going on (at least not in my church). So, if you object to allowing the town's teenagers a rumschpringe, if you depart from the town's values on this point, it can become a lonely place for your teenager. When I compare Heath's growing up experience in a larger town/small city to mine, I think living in a small town was better from birth to around age 11, but that after that living in a bigger town was much better. When I tried to find a place to belong and a way to survive emotionally in my junior high and high school, I didn't have very many options. It was roughly divided into a group of popular people and a group of outcast people. In Heath's schools, there were so many people that there were many groups to be a part of without choosing to be an outcast.
Maybe there are other small towns that have all the benefits of knowing each other closely and walking through decades of life together, without subjecting their children to the hazard of surviving their teenage years with little adult intervention. I hope so. Because the small town dynamic reminds me of the body of Christ a little bit. It is pretty irritating at times to know each other's business, but it can be good for us when we allow God's grace to infuse our lives. Instead of gossiping about each other's sins and failures, we are confessing our sins to each other and sharing one another's burdens. We triumph together in the blessings and spiritual victories that God gives us, instead of merely the temporal wins on a football field or basketball court. We share values, but we base those around God's Word and the conviction of the Holy Spirit, rather than merely on tradition that was originally based on someone's personal faith but has become diluted by those who don't know that faith firsthand.
This is an event that happens only every 3 years, and many ML natives return to celebrate. I saw several old friends. Two people I saw seemed to recognize me immediately, but they had to tell me who they were, even after I looked directly in their faces.
There is something unique about growing up in a small town, and that is the fact that you go to school with, and are on sports teams with, and grow up alongside the same set of kids for 18 years. So when you see those people again, even if you never got along very well and haven't talked for 10 years, it is kind of like seeing siblings or cousins. You remember each other's most embarrassing moments, each other's awkward phases of growth, and each other's first kisses. You know whose family was considered prestigious and whose family was considered trashy, by whatever (sometimes arbitrary) standards the town might impose. You know which kids were popular and which weren't, because of or despite their family's reputation. You know who went through exceptional hardships or exceptional triumphs. You know which church each person went to, and whether or not they lived like they went to church.
Beyond the common memories, you share a common understanding of the small town culture. You know about the high school "scene" - about cruising the square, hanging out on certain empty street corners, the creepy older guys who would buy beer for the high school parties, and the deserted country spots where those parties would be. You understand how important sports are in a small town, and how the whole town will turn out for a big game, even if it is hours away; how you all feel the pain of the loss or the triumph of the victory - like somehow the abilities of those 11 high school boys represent how well you all have done. You know that the favorite weekend pasttime of most males from 8-80 is hunting for the bulk of the daylight hours, if they aren't helping on a farm somewhere, and that the high school boys are probably carrying shotguns in the pickups they drive to school so that they can shoot coyotes or bobcats they see on the way (and that school officials are probably still looking the other way when those pickups are parked in front of the school). You know something of rodeo and country dance and country music, and feel somehow connected to it even if it isn't really your thing. You know that you feel a certain comfort by escaping out into the local countryside or sitting next to the county lake (although you can't pinpoint why), and that it seems like most of your peers experience the same feeling.
It is kind of neat to be part of a small town, with shared values and experiences. You don't have to worry as much about what your kids are exposed to, because you know everyone. If someone doesn't share your values, you and everyone in the town knows it. However, a problem arises when you are the one to depart from the majority values. In my particular community, it seems like children are nurtured and protected by the whole community until the teenage years. Then, everyone looks the other way while the teenagers throw parties and drink and smoke and sleep around. I realize now that it was highly improbable that our town police and county sheriffs did not realize that drinking parties were going on, or that certain kids were out "parking." Not only that, but surely the ministers of the various churches knew that certain teens were going wild. But nonetheless there was no accountablity - few tickets issued for underage drinking, no cases of statuatory rape or unlawful sexual relations prosecuted, no teenagers or families taken aside by their ministers and held accountable for what was going on (at least not in my church). So, if you object to allowing the town's teenagers a rumschpringe, if you depart from the town's values on this point, it can become a lonely place for your teenager. When I compare Heath's growing up experience in a larger town/small city to mine, I think living in a small town was better from birth to around age 11, but that after that living in a bigger town was much better. When I tried to find a place to belong and a way to survive emotionally in my junior high and high school, I didn't have very many options. It was roughly divided into a group of popular people and a group of outcast people. In Heath's schools, there were so many people that there were many groups to be a part of without choosing to be an outcast.
Maybe there are other small towns that have all the benefits of knowing each other closely and walking through decades of life together, without subjecting their children to the hazard of surviving their teenage years with little adult intervention. I hope so. Because the small town dynamic reminds me of the body of Christ a little bit. It is pretty irritating at times to know each other's business, but it can be good for us when we allow God's grace to infuse our lives. Instead of gossiping about each other's sins and failures, we are confessing our sins to each other and sharing one another's burdens. We triumph together in the blessings and spiritual victories that God gives us, instead of merely the temporal wins on a football field or basketball court. We share values, but we base those around God's Word and the conviction of the Holy Spirit, rather than merely on tradition that was originally based on someone's personal faith but has become diluted by those who don't know that faith firsthand.
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