Tuesday, September 24, 2013

"Christian" Parenting? ...Why You Don't Need Any More "Should"(s) in Your Life

Parenting is really, really hard sometimes. I feel like all of my pre-parenting experiences with kids, which generally convinced me that I was going to be great at this, were the child-raising equivalent of a Junior High track meet. It wasn't until I showed up at the real-life parenting Olympics that I realized how far off my self-assuredness had been.

One thing I keep stewing on lately, though, is how Jesus actually asks very little of me when it comes to raising my children, compared to the standard many other believers would hold me to, or even compared to the standard of many unbelieving parents or other unbelieving adults with an interest in child welfare. It seems like everyone has some sort of high-reaching expectation or standard regarding parenting, with varying focuses and levels of detail depending on where they are approaching it from, each with their own hot-button issue when it comes to children. Yet what Jesus asks and expects of me is really very simple: Love them. Love them the same way I am responsible to love any other believer or "neighbor" in my life.

Wednesday, July 03, 2013

repost/rewrite: poems

Saturday night, we were talking with some friends we've known for many years, and the conversation gradually turned to some gloomy topics; specifically, friends or family who died unexpectedly and the heartbreak and process of grieving. So, when a link to one of my old entries in my blog sidebar caught my eye this morning, I reread it and decide to repost because of its relevance to the topic we had discussed.

Life as Normal

14 years old, blonde ponytail, crisp-pleated cheerleading skirt
Sleepy little town in the middle of nowhere
with a brick main street and hideaways on the outskirts of town for illegal beer

Summer-dried grass crunches beneath my feet on the worn path home
Crunch to broken sidewalk to manicured lawn of the First Baptist Church to red dirt alleyway -- Almost home.
White Oldsmobile with a broken taillight resting heavily,
in the sloped driveway
Near the modest yellow sided house
with overgrown bushes and a large picture window.
Dad's home already?
A lag in her step, almost unnoticeable
A tightness in her chest that goes unseen
A shake of her head to clear it.
What time does the game start, again?
Life as normal in a sleepy small town.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

I hated it before I loved it

I have this bad habit of hating music before I decide I love it. Well, not necessarily hating, but at least not seeing the appeal. Like the first week or two Heath had the new Mumford and Sons album, and I kept remarking on his new "country" music album. He finally got irritated enough that he demanded I never call it that again, but it wasn't until I listened to it on my own on a long drive that I realized I LOVED it. The same things happened earlier this year with Future of Forestry, and before that the Avett Brothers and before that the new Radiohead album. I suppose I should just realize by now that whatever new music he introduces me to that I intially shy away from will eventually become my favorite. Especially if he and DanM find it together; I'm almost guaranteed to eventually love it (Gomez and Young the Giant, to name a couple).

I don't know why I continue to be surprised throughout my life by music's ability to reach through our clouded thoughts and emotions and speak some truth to us, or to express what our heart is feeling that we weren't able to nail down until we heard it to music. But Thank God is does.

possible symptoms, or normal experience?

I gave a couple of examples in my last post of experiences or traits I have had that could possibly represent ADHD symptoms. There have been quite a few markers from various checklists or articles that I identify with in addition to the ones I already mentioned. The question for me, always, is whether I have difficulty with these issues on a level that would justify a clinical diagnosis. I just keep thinking, "These things seem to be hard for everyone I know!" But maybe they really aren't.

So here are some of them. Maybe you can judge by looking at your own experiences whether my experiences are normal, or really something more.

Monday, May 06, 2013

me and ADHD

Hey! It hasn't been a whole year since I last wrote! Whaddaya know!

So, since it is a fairly small circle of people who still check my blog for updates, I'm going to assume most of you who are reading know that I now have not just one, but two sons who have been diagnosed with ADHD. The thing about this situation which has me thinking and perhaps even obsessing, lately, is that if two siblings have ADHD, it is likely (maybe 60% or more likely; the sources I found didn't all agree on an exact number) that at least one of their parents has it. When we first had Ethan evaluated, and they asked who else in the family had it, we were just like...??? [insert blank expressions here] We tried thinking through all of our close relatives and what we knew of them, and we couldn't think of anyone who had experienced similar problems as Ethan in school. Yet, it was likely one of Ethan's near relatives had ADHD if he had it.

Then, we had Samuel evaluated, and it hit home for us that ADHD does NOT always look the same from person to person.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

good & beautiful God thoughts (from retreat)

So apparently, I am doing a once a year post now...

My dear friend Betsy recently commented on how she missed having me as part of the blogging world. This made me stop to consider why I haven't reentered it, even now that my quality of life is significantly better than it was a year or two ago, and when I am now at home with more time on my hands to write. I decided that somewhere along the way, I felt like I'd lost my blogging voice. However, as I was thinking through and discussing with Heath a speaking assignment from our pastor, Paul, I felt like I actually had some things to say again -- like maybe I was gaining back the voice that I once had. Maybe I'll manage to post more than once a year after this. At any rate, I decided to start by posting the text of notes I created for Heath and my turn at speaking at the church retreat. Since I barely followed this text at all when I spoke, I'll link to it on Wheatland's Facebook page in case anyone is interested in seeing what I'd actually meant to say. :-) Here it is:

Wednesday, October 05, 2011

the latest big life decision

So, I haven't written a blog post in, like, forever. Much has happened, and there have been things I've considered blogging about, but for one reason or another I haven't. Part of the reason for my lack of blogging is probably the psychological pressure I felt to explain or analyze my latest Big Life Decision... quitting my full-time job as a legal assistant. And I guess I just wasn't quite ready to dissect it. I'm not sure I totally am now, but I'm closer than I was four months ago, anyway.

Saturday, November 06, 2010

slow change

Faith has slowly been seeping back into me. I felt like God and I made up, sort of, if you can even speak of such a thing, a week and a half ago. But I had to do some screaming at him, first. Since then, the gradual soaking back in has been happening. Slowly allowing myself to feel things again the way I used to...

Monday, October 25, 2010

"best of"

I've created a new "the best of" sidebar to make up for the gloomy tone of my blog lately. So, if you'd like to read a better post than my current fodder, feel free to pick one of those. :-)

(Heath starts reading the old entries and says "Huh, it's weird to read posts from you where you sound lighthearted about things." Wah-wah.)

Monday, October 18, 2010


(this entry is from Oct. 18, but I never came back to do a final edit & post! thought I should post it before I wrote again this morning, though)

It's been a few weeks since I last wrote. I find that as things settle down more and more -- as I start to feel the comfort of routine again, driving to and from home/daycare/work practically on autopilot, now (Heath says my driving is scarier since I've become a commuter), doing most of my work in a routine, relaxed way as I become more confident of my mastery of it -- that perhaps my heart is thawing a bit. I still have had moments, or days, when it seems that life is excruciatingly difficult and punishing, only worth bearing for the sake of those I care about. But the overall tenor of my stream of thoughts has drifted toward a more positive perspective. Some pieces of my former reality have begun to creep back into my consciousness, and I find myself not so harshly rejecting them as before, not pushing them quite so deeply away from consideration.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

a concession

I have to admit, despite hashing out my negative feelings about life in general on here earlier, it wasn't a completely horrible weekend.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

my drug of choice

I have recently developed an addiction to the Twilight saga as a means to cope with the horrible monotony and pain inherent in the daily exercise of being a grown-up. Something about Stephanie Meyer’s magical writing allows me to completely relax and to enjoy a fantasy world that is completely unrealistic. But it is such a relief from reality that I have a hard time pulling myself away from it to do anything else with my free time, which pisses my husband off and leads to arguments that then make life even more painful. Isn’t that lovely?

I think I become obsessive about certain things as a way to cope with especially stressful times...

bitter candy

These last few weeks (or has it been months, or years?) have been like a pressure cooker of stress for Heath and I. I feel like the substance of my soul has been broken down and reshaped by the process, like sugar being liquified and reshaped into candy, except the result is bitter instead of sweet. I’m just now assessing the changes this period of trials has wrought in me -- making note of how the forces have pushed and pulled to change the shape of my soul.

Monday, August 23, 2010


I got the job I interviewed for!

I was stunned when they called me today. I didn't think I'd done great on my third interview, and when I didn't hear anything on Friday, I figured they'd gone with someone else.

Thursday, August 19, 2010


Our struggle to come up with a day care situation that we feel comfortable with has been enlightening. I don't think there are a lot of good options in my area. Or I am having trouble finding them, anyway!