We talk at WM about making space in our lives for each other. We try to practice it. Yet, it has become more and more apparent to me how really difficult this is.
Everyone's life is full. Every one I know, including myself, maxes out their life. We have no room to help each other, for the most part.
I want to have the sort of home where people can just drop in, where it is always open for anyone who needs me or simply needs a place to hang out where they feel safe and welcomed. But I am not there yet. If a friend called and really needed me, I hope I would drop everything to be there for them, even if it meant them seeing my embarrassingly messy house or my unshowered, ungroomed self. But more often than not, I am not challenged on this issue, because we are so reticent to ask each other for help.
Part of the reason I write this is to see if maybe I am just in this isolated phase of life where it seems this way. Maybe by nature of the stage I am in, all the people around me seem to have a very full life. I just know that if I am struggling, I don't want to burden my friends who are also at home with small children, because they are just as overwhelmed and stressed out at times as I am. Friends who don't have small children at home usually have jobs or other responsibilities while their older children are at school, and often evening activities or responsibilities as well. Friends without any children at home usually have full-time jobs and often evening responsibilities as well, or must use the evening to rest and recover from the pressure and activity of their full-time day jobs. I start to lose my mind from the monotony and stress of being with my children 24/7, and I certainly need reprieve, but Heath comes home from the pressure of his full-time job and needs rest, too. We are both in the same boat, as is everyone else we know.
It seems that we need to make acquaintance with some retired people. Isn't that how our parents did it? I know Heath and I spent a lot of time at our retired grandparents homes. Hardly anyone I know has retired grandparents for their children anymore, though. Our society is much too productive for that. If they are not working, it is probably because they are incapacitated, and possibly in a nursing home.
When all of us max out our lives with no room for stumbling or falling behind for ourselves or anyone else, the only option we are left with is paid help when the need arise. There are day cares, Mom's Day Out programs, and babysitters, housekeeping and laundry services, even, to offer help to families needing a helping hand while raising their children. The problem is, not everyone can afford these reprieves. So what do we do? I personally don't see the solution. How in our modern world and society can we ever offer each other any help, when we are barely able to meet our responsibilities ourselves?
Jenny, I feel your pain and agree with you 100%.
ReplyDeleteI've thought about this, too. I've actually felt badly different times for being a stay-at-home mom with both of our boys in school. I didn't feel like I always had a lot of meaningful/productive things to fill my day. At the same time, I didn't want to sign up for every last thing or want everyone assuming that I didn't have anything to do (because I did from time to time..ha) and always have the idea to ask the 'stay-at-home-mom' to .....do whatever it is/was they expected.
I think I struggled with feeling a little useless and consequently got a job. That sure makes it hard to help others that need help. It helps to have a flexible schedule in order do that.
I'm not sure if this was just an issue I found hard to reconcile or if it exists with a lot of moms who have their kids in school full time. It would seem that there would be a whole population of women that would be freed up to help each other. I wonder if there is a pressure to be productive, to produce, to look useful, to be useful. Just being at home and available is maybe not looked on as a positive thing. But it sure seems like there would be a lot of people who would benefit from having people available, doesn't it? Being at home and making your home a place of warmth, comfort, and peace for your family and being available to those who need help---that sounds like an awesome ministry idea!
Sorry to ramble. My thoughts fire in a funny order, sometimes. Hope I made sense.
Karmen, I don't think you ramble - you make perfect sense. I think there is so much pressure in our society to be "doing something" productive. It's hard to justify to others the benefits of simply being available to your family and others and not having a maxed out life. I wonder if it is partly misery loving company - "You need to be as stressed out as I am, so do more!"
ReplyDeleteIt feels like we(I) have a real need to prove ourselves or earn something. We're really not doing anything worthwhile otherwise. It really goes against what we know to be true of how God feels about us. We don't have to do anything but sit and be loved. I think that's good enough for Him. We can be so weird and dysfunctional.
ReplyDeletePS-Ha! the word verification that I have to type in has 'doot' as the first 3 letters. That reminds me of Ethan. "Dorry, doot-doot."