Stepford Wives

I am glad that we already have a church we are enjoying here. I am glad there is a cell group we can go to as a couple, and numerous Bible studies for me to choose from during the day, with child care provided. However, I had a somewhat strange experience at my women's Bible study this morning.

There were probably 50 or so women in the main portion of the study, when we watch a video. Then, we split into small groups of around 10 people. Since this was our first meeting, we went around and introduced ourselves and told a little bit about ourselves.

One by one, the women described their interests, and by the third person I was noticing a common theme. I wrote down everyone's names and interests, and at the end as I looked through, it was clear that every person EXCEPT ME had spoken of enjoying cooking and/or baking. Wow. That is nice. I used to enjoy cooking. I enjoyed being creative and producing a result that would be pleasing to my husband. Now it is such a monumental exercise, first to have cleaned my kitchen, then to have carved out time (and money) to have gone to the store to get necessary ingredients (often a task accompanied by wrangling children), and then to somehow keep my children occupied in another room, or to manage having them underfoot, or to listen to them scream at me from behind the child gate. So, not so much fun for me anymore.

There have actually been times I have thought it would be easier to work full-time simply because I could afford to never cook or do chores (speaking of which, a few of these same women also spoke of enjoying cleaning/organizing/decorating their homes). I quit work to be home with my children, but the fact that most of the cooking and cleaning fall to me now has certainly not been a "fringe benefit" - it has in fact been part of the job description I would have liked to cut out.

The second common theme was even more mystifying to me. Almost every person said they liked to exercise!! At least two even specified running! Now, I did used to be quite fit, but I have NEVER enjoyed exercise for exercise sake. Cheerleading, dancing, gymnastics - those have other goals that I found enjoyable in themselves. I guess I have always seen just running or doing exercise as empty time - my brain isn't doing anything and my body is hurting! I know it is good for me, I know it is necessary even, but I have a very hard time enduring it and would never list it as an interest or hobby, even if I did it regularly, any more than I would list brushing my teeth or showering (which incidently I have the same attitude toward, but societal pressure keeps me doing them).

Finally, there was simply an attitude of "I love-love-love it! I love staying home, I love parenting, I love every little thing about my kids and my husband, I love all the jobs I do at home!" etc. etc. Now, this is admirable. I wish I had this attitude. But right now I am at a different place, where I am exasperated and desperate for refreshment in my role as a stay-at-home mom and wife. I love my kids and husband and I am desperately committed to them, but I am really, really struggling with disciplining my kids. They test me a lot, and frankly, I am worn out by the end of every day (sometimes just by mid-morning). And, as I have already discussed, doing chores is a continual work-is-pain struggle for me. I would much rather be reading or researching something on the internet or figuring our budget or paying bills (numbers comfort me with their straightforward, black and white).

There were two or three people who listed reading as a hobby, and one or two who listed music as an interest/hobby, so I guess I am not totally without cohorts in this group. And perhaps I can take the perspective that God has placed me in this group that seems so foreign to me to teach me something. But ultimately, Heath and I decided, these are Stepford Wives! I don't think I will ever be like them, and I am not sure I would want to. I hope I will someday be someone who exercises regularly, and perhaps even enjoys it, but I don't know that it will ever be part of the core of me. I want to learn to bless my family with a peaceful home, and exercise the image of God in me by making order from the chaos in my home. But I don't know if I will ever enjoy my chores. Heath said, "Do these women have fun with their husbands?" Along those lines, I guess it is most important that each couple is totally happy with the one they have chosen. And even if Heath wishes the house was cleaner and that I was more faithful with my cooking, he would never trade my curiosity and spunk for those things being my greatest interests.