confessions

A dear friend who reads this blog pointed out that we should all be blogging about things that would help us realize we are not alone in our struggles as mothers - the crazy things like when our children smear lotion (or worse) all over the walls or make fountains inside where fountains shouldn't be. So I decided today's blog would be dedicated to the side of staying at home that is less than glamorous or idealistic. So here are some of my confessions:

My kids have made all sort of messes in the house - milk spit all over the bedroom floor intentionally, poop smeared on the floor, walls and door, bathroom floor flooded multiple times, paint rubbed off of toys onto the wall by scraping the toy along the wall (you should see our hallway), crayon and pencil on the walls, water mixed with whatever interesting things they could find in whatever interesting containers they could find.

My kids have recently started telling each other that they hate each other. This has been very disturbing to me and very difficult to make them stop.

My kids hit each other multiple times every day. On occasion I have been worried that they have really injured each other. Jacob has made Ethan's nose bleed several times (but Ethan gets bloody noses easily).

I yell at them almost every day, or at the very least use my "mean voice" and lecture them (which leaves me more upset than they are and earns me shocked stares if we are in public).

I let Samuel do a lot of things that many of you probably would not allow. For that matter, I let the big boys do a lot of things that many of you probably would not allow. I try to reserve saying no for things I am absolutely sure and determined not to let them do, and I simply don't have the energy to make a rule against jumping off the couches or climbing around on the couches or racing up and down the hallway. In fact, I kind of think it's good for them that I allow them to get as much exercise as they do indoors. I also think it is good for Samuel that I let him explore, although I am not happy about the few times I have found him playing in the toilet when his brothers left the bathroom door open, especially when it hadn't been flushed! (Flushing and shutting the bathroom door are rules that do get enforced, but have been forgotten a few times.) I have also been horrified the two times he has fallen down a portion of stairs, but he has been perfectly fine after both times. Thank God.

I am not as good of a housekeeper as many of you. I let dishes and laundry build up more often than not. I don't wash the table off after every meal, although it drives me crazy when it is not clean. I want to empty the diaper pail in Samuel's room every day, or more than once a day, but sometimes it doesn't get taken out for two or three days.

Since writing my posts articulating why I think home school is the best option for our family, I have several times, including this afternoon, been ready to hop in the car and go enroll the kids in school as quickly as possible - in any school, who cares how good or bad it is, just give me a break!

I have laid down and turned on the TV to occupy the kids so that I can get some rest, and let it stay on longer than it should. In fact, there are many times I have let the TV stay on even though I wanted to shut it off, but it was occupying them so well and I was so exhausted or so much in need of a break that I couldn't make myself shut it off. (Although I have always been careful about content, at least - I can't think of a program I let them watch that isn't educational.)

I let Heath watch the Lord of the Rings movies with the big boys, and now I worry that they are scarred from it. I don't think Ethan realizes that the war scenes were not really happening somewhere, sometime. I worry this contributes to their continual play fighting, "I'll kill you!" sort of play which I already find disturbing.

I deleted one thing from this list that I decided would be too disturbing for some of you.

Okay, Mommy friends, I hope that helps you know you are not alone in this life which is certainly not all watching soap operas, sunbathing, and eating chocolate bonbons.