struggle

We had a wonderful weekend.

But I'm having a lousy morning. Maybe it is the abrupt transition from such a wonderful weekend back into the responsibilities of daily life.

It's one of those days when I feel very distant from the reality of God's love. Because He is far away in heaven above, and how on earth am I supposed to feel his love today? My thought process goes something like this: I have concluded after almost 31 years on earth that the means God can use to show us His love is through each other, through working on the hearts of those who are open to Him to be more kind and loving to each other in His name. But implicit in that opportunity for God to work and for us to be used by Him is the fact that we are fallible and weak and often can barely handle our own lives, much less give anything to each other. Even when we really want to be used by God and show His love, we are just weak and oftentimes unable.

I guess it is the age-old struggle to understand the existence of a loving God who created a world and a human race that are now broken. I know the answers I would give someone else with my feelings and questions. But somehow my answers don't always make me feel better, and just bring up more questions that I have no answers to, like "Well then why did God create the world and humanity this way, with the potential to be broken?" And the only place that leaves me to go is trust - trust that God knows more than I do. So that's where I'll travel to now, and cease struggling for a while.