in need of grace

Please pray for me to have patience with the kids today. It is running really thin.

I was out of coffee at home this morning, not a good thing for a Monday morning when I got only 4 or 5 hours of sleep (as opposed to the "normal" 6 or 7). So I load the kids in the van and head to Starbucks. We hadn't fully unloaded the van from our weekend trip, so there was a bag with some kids' underwear on the floor near the kids' seats. The kids grabbed four pairs of underwear and were examining and discussing them for some reason beyond my understanding. They each had two pairs to look at, until Ethan grabbed one of Jacob's pairs. Jacob said, "If you don't give me those underwear back, I'm going to hit you in the face!" As I am saying, "If you do that, you will be in big trouble..." I hear Ethan start crying, and then moaning, "I've got a bloody nose!" Yep, Jacob hit him in the face - over a pair of underwear - and gave him a horrific bloody nose.

I know God must have given me three boys for a reason. Apparently he thought I would do well mothering boys? Or maybe I would just do poorly mothering girls? (I hope that is not the case.) But at times like this, when the boys are so violent, I sure don't know how to handle it. It just makes me mad, and I can't be logical when I'm mad. The thing that really gets me is that Jacob wasn't really repentant about the incident. He kept complaining about how he didn't have the special pair of underwear, and how he never gets anything special. I can't help but wonder what else the day will hold. They are on their craziest behavior today because they have only gotten 9 hours of sleep for 3 nights in a row, building up a deficit of about 6 hours now.

In good news, Samuel has gained 3.5 ounces since his dr. appointment last Thursday. I know this because I weighed him on the electronic post office scale this morning, which I assume is very accurate. Last Thursday he only weighed 6 lb. 6 oz. - after weighing 6 lb. 11 oz. the Thursday before! Not a good thing. I don't know if anything could make me feel worse, as I am totally responsible for feeding him. I guess I got overconfident when he had almost regained his birth weight by 9 days old. So I wasn't being as careful to keep track of his feedings the next week, and I guess he wasn't getting enough. He wasn't crying for more. But the last four days I have fed him every 2 and a half hours, and he is gaining again. I just feel horrible for that week when he was losing weight. Ug. I always had oversupply with Jacob, and he was a vigorous demanding eater. I don't think I could have messed up nursing him other than if I had just ignored him. I have been freaking myself out these last few days looking at Samuel and thinking, "Is he shrinking?"and obsessively evaluating the efficacy of his suckling and the contents of his diapers.