improvements

Things seem to have gotten better over the last (almost) two weeks that I've had Jacob and Ethan in the latchkey program. I feel like they are getting to do fun, stimulating things there, besides it relieving tension at home. They've gone swimming each week, as well as volunteering at a food bank and going to Tanganyika. As the first week of them being in latchkey ended, I felt like it hadn't worked to clear my head like I thought it would, because Samuel had still been home and acting especially whiny, fussy, demanding, and ornery. I thought maybe I had underestimated how much his difficult three-year-old behavior was contributing to me feeling burned out. But this week, I have been able to feel the difference - the cumulative effect of eleven days NOT spent listening to Ethan scream, screech, yell, hit and throw things when he is mad at Jacob, and hearing Jacob retaliate physically or emotionally (turning off the xbox in the middle of the game, for instance); sometimes hearing Jacob doing something irritating and purposefully frustrating to Ethan first, upon which I rush to intervene but usually am unable to stop Ethan from retaliating in some way, even if I prevent the initial attack (I may prevent the first hit, but he throws Jacob's toy across the room, messes up his Legos, or kicks him as I walk away).


Whew! I was feeling better, anyway, until I recalled all that I have been missing. Being around that level of conflict day after day is so hard. I am really hoping this family therapist can help Ethan figure out some better ways of handling his emotions. I have wondered several times over the last year if we needed to get Ethan an appointment with a child psychiatrist or someone along that line, so going to family therapy is good for that reason if nothing else. It's not always Ethan that causes the conflict -- in fact, he may only cause half of them -- but Ethan reactionary behavior is my biggest source of concern. His actions become the highlight of most conflicts because Jacob has grown better at restraining himself. Before summer vacation, Jacob had gone months without hitting his siblings at all -- he would come and complain because Ethan hit him, and Ethan would get in big trouble, and Jacob would get in trouble to a lesser degree if he did something to precipitate the conflict. But day after day together this summer wore down Jacob's patience, too, and he's back to attacking physically when pushed to a certain point.

Despite remembering how difficult it was to be here with Jacob and Ethan together this summer, despite Samuel's crazy behavior wearing on me lately, despite seeing other good reasons for me to get a job, like it providing an outlet for me and extra income we could really use, I still feel a little bit nostalgic about it. It means my children are growing up. It means we are passing out of a stage -- or getting pushed out, it sometimes feels. When we were younger, we tried to make transitions happen, things like getting a driver's license, graduating, going to college, getting a job, getting married, and starting a family. But since the kids were born, I've been moved along through the transitions without actively willing them to happen. So, as another transition sneaks up on me, I must work through my sentimental, nostalgic feelings and look toward what this new stage for our family can offer.