I stayed up reading until 1 am last night. I don't know when the last time I did that was! My mother-in-law sent us a book in the mail, and once I started reading it, I just couldn't put it down until I finished it. And it wasn't because I just had to know what was going to happen next, either. It was because this book was saying things to me that I desperately needed to hear!

The book is So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore, by Jake Colsen. (Don't worry, WM friends, the title of the book doesn't have anything to do with why I liked it.) The book is Jake's journal of 13 conversations with a close friend, occurring over the course of a four year period when his world is turned upside-down. It reminds me of the ideas that Karmen has shared with us that have changed her world over the last year. It reminds me of why we didn't want to be a part of certain churches anymore (this of course does not include Wheatland!). Most of all, it reminds me of the truth of God's unquenchable love and the reality of my inability to earn it or to be worthy of it - my inability to please him with my works done in my own strength, and the fact that He'd rather have me ditch those than have them get in the way of living in His love.

I started the day yesterday determined to be my own cognitive therapist - to journal the thoughts that were running through my head and to analyze which untrue or unproductive thoughts were causing me to get weighed down with anxiety or depression or confusion or anger. After a bit of thought, writing, and analysis, including an important discussion with Heath over the lunch hour, I felt like I had uncovered some of the thoughts and feelings that were troublesome to me, and replaced them with truer, more balanced ways of thinking. Then, when I began reading this book last night, it built on the process that had begun that morning, the process of ferreting out untrue and destructive thoughts and exposing them to the truth. It was a really good, much needed process, which will probably take a while to fully sink in and take root again. I say again because these truths are not new to me, but are things that I too easily forget and need to return to again and again.

So, in summary... If you want to be reminded of who God really is and to have your first love with Him renewed, you gotta get this book!