I am having a bad day. I am feeling like there is nothing I can do to influence whether or not Jacob is going to obey me. He doesn't care if I spank him, or put him in his room, or take away privileges. I mean, he cares at the moment, because he doesn't like the punishment when it occurs, but it doesn't make him any more likely to obey in the future - it doesn't change his attitude.

Dr. Dobson, in his book Dare to Discipline and also in The Strong Willed Child, describes how spanking is the best response when a child is willfully disobedient. He describes a scenerio where the child is testing the parent: The parent makes a rule and the child purposefully disobeys, in part to see if the parent is really serious about his/her word. The parent responds by spanking, and telling the child why he got spanked, at which point the child becomes repentant. Afterwards, the child and parent are back on good terms, and the child knows the parent means what he/she says.

It doesn't work this way for me. My children don't become repentant. They are mad they got spanked, and they may offer an apology if it is requested, but it doesn't break the spirit of willful disobedience. They still want their way more than they want to obey me. Jacob will even try to explain to me, "But I just wanted to do such and such..." Even as I am trying to explain to him why it is important to obey.

So, on days like this, I feel like I am completely ineffectual. And it is depressing because I feel completely out of control of my environment. I feel like despite everything I have read and tried to learn about discipline, I really know nothing, and I really have no influence.

Sorry to be such a downer. I'll probably remove this when I have a good day tomorrow, anyway.