more thoughts on baptism and some personal testimony

So, yesterday I gave my thoughts on why I didn't think Christians should baptize infants. Since then, I have been thinking about a related question... If not at birth, then when should the child of believing parents be baptized? This is a difficult question for me and for some other Christian parents I have spoken with.

I don't remember a time when I didn't believe in the existence of God and the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I remember as a child, the communion plate was passed and the unbaptized weren't allowed to participate. My grade school friends and I wanted to be able to participate, but we didn't know when we were supposed to be baptized. We and the adults in our lives seemed to be waiting for some significant moment when it would "hit us," and we would know it was time to be baptized. Finally, for me, it was after 4th grade church camp, when I had had a particularly monumental growing experience in Christ that week. I remember being in a class on 1 John and being so struck and convicted about how I needed to really exercise the love of God toward my peers and family. However, I wasn't coming to that realization from a point of non-faith - I was coming to it as someone who already believed and was realizing more profound practical realities of the faith. However, it was enough of a turning point, and I was tired enough of waiting to be baptized, so I went forward to be baptized. I remember my Mom was so happy and moved by my baptism, and I wasn't as emotional as she was (although I was happy and blessed to have had the experience). I think the reason I wasn't as emotional is because it felt to me so long in coming. But then again, I tend to be less outwardly emotional than my Mom in general.

Now, my 4 1/2 year old son Jacob has a precious understanding of faith. I think he is a great example of why Jesus said we need to have faith like children. When he was still fairly little, Heath started reading the Bible to him every night before bed. We started with a toddler board-book Bible, graduated to a thicker, more detailed preschooler Bible, and finally to an even more detailed children's Bible. They read through each at least once, and I believe multiple times. Jacob would tell us Bible stories at random moments, with a surprising amount of accurate detail. The best thing I can remember him doing, though, was singing us a song in the car one time. He was making up songs about various Bible stories, and after he had already sung a couple, he said, "Okay now I'm going to sing a sad song." He sang a song about Jesus's crucifixion, with a haunting made-up melody. He said how they put "screws" in Jesus hands and put "pokeys" on his head (this was about a year to a year and a half ago, his vocabulary is much more advanced now), and how they hurt him. He said how they put him in a tomb, and Mary came to visit him, but he wasn't there, because he had come back to life. I can still hear his little voice raising in excitement at that part.

One night not too long after that, Heath was explaining the concept of accepting Jesus and asking Him to come live in your heart. Jacob wanted to do it right then. So he prayed and did. Since then, we've let him take communion with us in church if he's with us during that part of the service. We remind him what communion is all about as we participate together.

After Jacob's prayer, I began to think: When should he be baptized? Obviously, he has sincere faith and a basic understanding of the Gospel even now. But we know, as his brain develops and matures more, as he develops abstract thought and reasoning skills, faith will become more complicated for him.

Heath and I both went through this during our teen years. I became depressed and even suicidal at times beginning in junior high. I never doubted that God existed or was the God I had grown up learning about and believing in. But I wondered why he was allowing me to suffer, and I railed against Him. At times, I rebelled against Him by doing things that I thought would most offend Him - drinking, smoking, running with a wild crowd. I thought, well, God, if you won't provide nice friends for me, then I will have to find a way to survive on my own - and this crowd accepts me as I am. It wasn't until I was 16 at church camp again, that I realized that God did love me, despite the trials I had gone through. That was when I decided to stop rebelling against Him and receive His love and strength for the trials.

I can't speak too much for Heath's experience, but I know he went through a revival of his faith when he was 16, also, after a mission's trip. Thankfully, he didn't have all the same rebellion experiences I did (good friends are so important!), but whatever rebellion or lack of commitment was there was set aside after that point.

This was the point when our faith became so very important to us, as a daily part of life. At the time, I thought, now this would have been a really meaningful time to be baptized! I felt like I finally really knew what it meant to be crucified with Christ and rise to new life in Him - as is illustrated by baptism. But I did not get rebaptized, because I felt that my baptism at age 9 was still valid since I did really believe at that time, despite having not yet been tested in my faith. But I have struggled with questions: When was I first "saved"? Was there a point in between age 9 and age 16, or prior to age 9, when I wasn't saved?

I am afraid I am starting to ramble, but I guess what it comes down to is that this is one more reason that I do understand why parents baptize infants. Of course the child will share the parent's faith, at least until a certain point in life. Children believe what their parents teach them (what an awesome responsibility!). So, if the child is going to have faith in childhood, but not yet be baptized, how does that make sense? Aren't all those with faith supposed to be baptized? Do we not allow them to be baptized because we know they don't fully understand what faith will require of them throughout the rest of their lives, and how hard it might be some times to hold on to it? I know many Amish and Mennonite groups don't allow their children to be baptized until they are teenagers and fully understand the faith. For me, when I was baptized at age 9, even though I had a greater understanding of what it meant to follow Jesus than I did at, say, 3 years old, I didn't know the trials I would face in the coming years any more than I did when I was 3 years old.

I am just voicing my thoughts here; I don't have any conclusion really, except that there seem to be problems with either approach when it comes to baptism of children of believers. Maybe those of you from a different church background have some helpful perspectives to share?