more on discipline

Heath and I have both been seeking counsel about our discipline issues with the kids, and everyone seems to be saying the same thing. Everyone is saying, basically, that consistency is the key. That we just need to be determined, and keep after it.

I think the thing that has been discouraging me lately is that I usually have one strong-willed child (Jacob) and one slightly less strong willed child (Ethan). I am used to the psychological and emotional effort required for that mix. But ever since Ethan got this intestinal virus, he has been cranky and unreasonable and difficult to please. His whole personality is different. (We did take him to the doctor today, and he is otherwise healthy; the doctor said the virus will just have to run its course.) So now instead of one child demanding and resisting and throwing fits, I have two.

Right now, for instance, Ethan is screaming in his bedroom because I had the audacity to change his diaper and lay him down for a nap when he was obviously exhausted. He was also mad about his pillow and blankets not being how he wanted them, but nothing I did to fix them made him happy. Also, I tried to take him a drink of water, but it wasn't in the right cup (not that I know which cup would have been the "right" one) so that just made him more mad, too. Our bedtime rules are 1) stay in bed and 2) be quiet. Thank God, he is obeying rule number 1, but he is nowhere close to obeying rule number 2. I spanked him for not being quiet, actually for being the opposite of quiet by throwing a huge screaming fit, but I eventually gave up and simply left the room. So that wasn't exactly a great example of consistency or sticking with it. But at least I didn't let him get up.

Meanwhile, Jacob has been pretty well behaved since yesterday afternoon, except for one incident at lunch. He ran away from Heath at The Waterfront - a very similar situation to what started all of our trouble yesterday. We took away TV for the rest of the day, and he's been pretty well behaved since. I struggle with knowing how much to let slide and how much to crack down, in trying to be consistent. If Jacob tries to convince me to change my mind about what I have asked him to do, rather than doing it immediately, does that warrant punishment? Does he get one appeal, one clarification, and then he is to drop it or get spanked? I struggle with balance. Sometimes I wonder if they are really capable of complying with what I am asking, in the way I want them to, anyway. I wish this came easily to me, that I felt confident about it. Disciplining is definitely the hardest part of parenting for me.