I received some very kind and helpful comments after my last (somewhat dramatic) post. I acknowledge that others are right in saying that risking hurt is a necessary part of being in relationships and in community. And several of you said very nice things about benefiting from the times that I have been open and vulnerable on here, so that makes me want to not abandon a useful medium just because of the potentially dark side it has for me.
So maybe - as I said in the comments after my last post - maybe I will still post if I feel really compelled or something really worth sharing comes up? I just need to find a way to guard my heart from those who might not appreciate my vulnerability while still sharing it with those who will sympathize and benefit. Sigh.
In light of that, here is a poem I wrote earlier today. I'll chalk it up to the "compelled to share" category.
Today I felt compelled
to stand in the rain.
Like a child, or a fool.
And I asked:
Can you cleanse me with this rain?
Can you wash away the hurt
the anger
the bitterness that's starting to grow?
If I stand here long enough
If I raise my hands for my palms to receive the drops
If I lift my face despite water falling in my eyes...
Then, as I felt the storm increase
And my stained shirt grew soaked
And the hairs on my arms raised with chill
I felt...
Clean.
Better is one day in Your house,
soaked with rain
Than a 1000 in my house
cloaked in sadness.
I totally get that! There are people who read my blog (whom I didn't really invite to read it, I might add...although I know I don't have any control over who does and who doesn't) that I wish wouldn't. There is a part of me that doesn't want to share certain things when I know that they will be reading...and so I don't.
ReplyDeleteGuarding your heart is a good thing. Sharing your heart with people who are safe is also a good thing. I don't see that as being inauthentic, but rather being smart and taking good care of yourself.