I'm so tired of having bad days.
Today when I reminded the boys that there is only one of me trying to meet all their needs, Ethan said, "Let's make another Mommy." Wouldn't that be nice.
I don't even exactly know what the problem is (meaning - I'm not sure what would fix it). I am overwhelmed. And yes, I've gotten myself in this situation, made my own choices, but I am trying desperately to make those choices work. I want to breastfeed. I want to home school. I want to stay home with my children.
I told Heath today that even if we end up on the polar opposite of those things - giving Samuel formula, sending Jacob to Kindergarten and Ethan to some kind of preschool program - then we are just doing what the majority of Americans do with their families. And there is nothing inherently wrong with those things, they just weren't the things we chose for our family. And I want to practice our ideals, which happen to not be the status quo. I wouldn't mind doing the other things if we were choosing them for their own merit, but I don't want to do them by default because we couldn't handle the things we wanted to do.
Anyway. I'm kind of going crazy today. Feeling like I don't have the strength or patience or peace and love inside me that I need to be able to pull it all together and make it work. I am trying though.
Jenny when i lived in KC i had a six month old, a three year old and a five year old. I was still nursing, I home-schooled and was part of a homeschooling coop. I was a mess I finished up in April and never did that again. Give your self permission to stop if it's not working for you. Qp
ReplyDeleteJenny,
ReplyDeleteI love you so very much!! You are a wonderful mother and I know that you and Heath both want the best for the boys. I wish I could help more but what I can do is say, I am here if you need to talk, and pray for you.
Gail
Girl! It was great to talk to you the other night. You'll survive, and pretty soon our little ones will be all grown up *sob*! That's not to minimize what you're going through...but keep in mind, you have a NEWBORN!! Don't be afraid to cut yourself a little slack.
ReplyDeleteeven if you take one year or semester of putting the older two in a kindergarten and preschool - you still have 18 years (give or take a couple) to home-school.
ReplyDeleteso much can be said for home life and you and Heath have a wonderful philosophy for raising your children. frenchgirl mentioned giving yourself some slack - i agree. enrolling your children in a school doesn't mean it's permanent! it may just be the breathing room you need for a small time. you two are the best judges for what works for your family - trust your intuition.
my piano lessons start next week but don't hesitate to ask for help. that's what we're here for! i wish i had asked for friends to take my kids when i just needed a nap - i didn't want to bother them i guess. it's NOT a bother though because we are a family. plus, i really miss having younger ones playing around the house!
friday mornings will be so good for all of us to share, encourage, vent and whatever!