have I lost my mind? (rhetorical question)

Disclaimer: I have debated for several months whether to post any of the feelings and thoughts that were growing in my mind regarding homeschooling, for fear of offending any of my dear friends or family. I decided to go ahead and post this after writing it, because it is just my feelings and thoughts, after all. I certainly don't condemn anyone else for following their convictions for their children. I recognize that each child and situation is different, and God may lead you differently than me for your situation.

This week was emotional, of course. But one thing that added to that emotion was being asked many times, "So, Jacob will start Kindergarten next year, won't he?"

I might as well have answered, "Oh, didn't you know we'd lost our minds and joined a radical sect?" Because telling people we plan on homeschooling goes over about as well. Those of you who read this blog are probably supportive and understanding of our desire to homeschool our children, but I think in a small town like ML, the issue is a lot more volatile. If I home school, I'm somehow rejecting the community's values or the expertise of the community's teachers. I think that is the perspective of the opposition, anyway. And if we lived in ML, maybe we would send our children to public school. I know most of the teachers personally, particularly my mom, and they are caring, talented people. But any public school, no matter how small and in what community, is still subject to state and national regulations that largely determine the flavor of the educational experience. Maybe this is why my Mom is supportive of us homeschooling. Public school has changed a lot since she started teaching over 30 years ago.

The heart of the matter for me, at this point, is this deep, genuine feeling (and feel free to think I am crazy, but this is how I feel), of "Why?" Why would I send Jacob to school next year? We're doing pretty well with the current situation, I think. I continue to protect and love and teach him as I have been these last four years. Why in the world would I want to discontinue that? Why would I feel the need to turn that responsiblity over to someone else at this point? He is still so young! You know, Heath's dad and my dad neither one attended Kindergarten - many of their generation didn't - and it still isn't mandatory in the state of Kansas. It isn't mandatory to be in an educational program until 7 years of age. So I could do absolutely nothing formal for Jacob's education for 2.5 more years. Of course I won't take that route, because he is eager to learn.

There are other factors, too, of course. I simply cannot imagine leaving him somewhere, under someone else's supervision (who is also supervising 20+ other children), for 7 hours a day, 5 days a week. I don't want to expose him to unsupervised peer interactions that could cause deep emotional or psychological hangups. I don't want him to be exposed to the attitudes and the filthy media that so many of the other children are exposed to at home. Again, he is so young still. Furthermore, I think Ethan would wilt with Jacob gone! They can hardly stand to be apart for an hour or two.

I come back to the question of, "Why would I send him?" To learn? To socialize? He already knows all of his letters and letter sounds, and he wants to learn words. He counts to 30 (skips a few numbers sometimes, but he's getting there), and he writes all of his numbers. He has mastered most of the concepts in the Kindergarten workbook we are going through right now. He is beginning to learn about coins and bills, the calendar, reading a clock. He loves to learn. I would hate to squelch that love of learning with a program that either bored him or forced him to do activities or exercises that were tedious or uninteresting to him. We work with his level of and direction of interest and individualize his program, because we don't have to try to teach 20+ students at once. So I certainly am not concered that he is missing out on learning by not going to school. As for socialization, I think children are socialized much better in a setting of several families getting together, with various ages of children, and lots of parents around to intervene and help teach the children what is constructive or appropriate interaction and what is not. Do you remember how many of the kids acted when you were in school? ((Shudder)) That is not how I want my children to act, how I want them to learn to treat others or how I want them to be treated.

I know many people don't feel the way we do, and that is fine. Maybe I will change my perspective entirely in a few years. I know that children must become independent eventually; they must fend for themselves in the world eventually. I just feel the conviction that right now is not the time, yet, for my children.