I'm wondering if I can even write this post with my spectrum of readers in mind... My uncle who has earned his living from science for the past 30 years or more on one end of the spectrum, and the most conservative of my Christian friends on the other end of the spectrum. Sprinkled in the middle are the rest of my friends and readers, a group which consists, as far as I know, almost entirely of devoted followers of Christ, yet with varied opinions on the issues that make one a "conservative" or "liberal" Christian. Yet I will try.
For some time now, I've been wrestling with whether or not it is really possible to fit a belief in evolution into my faith in God.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Thursday, April 01, 2010
parenting our children's intelligence
Intelligence is a funny thing - not only do we desire to have it, but frequently, to know how much of it we possess in relation to others. This urge reveals our desire to possess intelligence not merely for its usefulness, but also as some sort of reassurance of our value.
This morning, Heath and I attended a meeting with the school psychologist, gifted teacher, and Jacob's regular classroom teacher to go over his test results for the gifted program. Although he tested very high, he was a few points shy of qualifying for the program. He will continue to receive extra work in the classroom to challenge him and will continue to participate in the weekly "Talent Pool" program for the second graders who tested in the top 2% for math on the NEA tests.
As we drove home, I told Heath that I'm really not surprised, since I was tested in high school to be labeled as gifted and did not qualify. I hadn't thought of this in relation to Jacob's testing until this morning.
This morning, Heath and I attended a meeting with the school psychologist, gifted teacher, and Jacob's regular classroom teacher to go over his test results for the gifted program. Although he tested very high, he was a few points shy of qualifying for the program. He will continue to receive extra work in the classroom to challenge him and will continue to participate in the weekly "Talent Pool" program for the second graders who tested in the top 2% for math on the NEA tests.
As we drove home, I told Heath that I'm really not surprised, since I was tested in high school to be labeled as gifted and did not qualify. I hadn't thought of this in relation to Jacob's testing until this morning.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Samuel talking
Samuel's language development has really grown over the last two months or so. He has said some really cute things that I wanted to record here so we didn't forget.
The first thing I remember that I wanted to share was when we were at the bank to sign our closing papers for our refinance, and the closing officer came out to meet us. She introduced herself, and then Heath said, "Hi, I'm Heath," shaking her hand. Samuel jumped up and said, loudly enough for anyone nearby to hear, "I'm me!" Of course he assumed she'd want to know who he was, too! At that time, he had recently started telling us, "I'm me." Now he says, "I'm Samuel," but not clearly enough yet for someone to understand his name if they didn't already know what it was. So, he's understanding the concept of names versus pronouns, but he still says, if we ask if he's happy/sad/excited/sweet, "No, I'm Samuel!" Right, but is Samuel happy/sad/excited/sweet? "No, I'm Samuel!"
Another thing that happened just recently was when I told Samuel in the van that he'd have to wait to pee until we arrived at the grocery store, that he'd have to "hold it." He said, "All day?!??" Then in a worried voice, "I pee Mommy's car!" I assured him that it would just be for a little bit until we got to the store. We ended up forgetting to go right away at the store, and he held it all the way until after we checked out. What a big boy.
There are so many cute things he says every day, it seems like. These are the two that are stuck in my mind right now. He is becoming more understandable to people outside the family, now, too, which is a lot of fun. He asks us each night to pray about "big cars" - i.e. that he won't be woken up and scared by loud cars driving by. This has actually happened two or three times, after which he asked us to pray for it one night, and now he brings it up every night, maybe just as a comforting (or perhaps prolonging?) part of the bedtime routine.
I looked back through blog entries from when Ethan was the age Samuel is now, and it was fun to remember the things he would say at this same age. This is when he called people "Dute-doo," and when he labeled many things as "dee-one." Samuel uses his words for "this-one" quite a bit when he wants to refer to something he doesn't know the word for, too, but Ethan used it so liberally it was entertaining. You can read my original entry about it here. This was also the age that Ethan called Jacob "Bubba" still, and yelled out to Jacob when he was performing in a program at church, "Hi Bubba! Hi Bubba!" until Jacob finally acknowledged him. Then yelled "Good job, Bubba!" when it was over. Ah, the love. :-)
The first thing I remember that I wanted to share was when we were at the bank to sign our closing papers for our refinance, and the closing officer came out to meet us. She introduced herself, and then Heath said, "Hi, I'm Heath," shaking her hand. Samuel jumped up and said, loudly enough for anyone nearby to hear, "I'm me!" Of course he assumed she'd want to know who he was, too! At that time, he had recently started telling us, "I'm me." Now he says, "I'm Samuel," but not clearly enough yet for someone to understand his name if they didn't already know what it was. So, he's understanding the concept of names versus pronouns, but he still says, if we ask if he's happy/sad/excited/sweet, "No, I'm Samuel!" Right, but is Samuel happy/sad/excited/sweet? "No, I'm Samuel!"
Another thing that happened just recently was when I told Samuel in the van that he'd have to wait to pee until we arrived at the grocery store, that he'd have to "hold it." He said, "All day?!??" Then in a worried voice, "I pee Mommy's car!" I assured him that it would just be for a little bit until we got to the store. We ended up forgetting to go right away at the store, and he held it all the way until after we checked out. What a big boy.
There are so many cute things he says every day, it seems like. These are the two that are stuck in my mind right now. He is becoming more understandable to people outside the family, now, too, which is a lot of fun. He asks us each night to pray about "big cars" - i.e. that he won't be woken up and scared by loud cars driving by. This has actually happened two or three times, after which he asked us to pray for it one night, and now he brings it up every night, maybe just as a comforting (or perhaps prolonging?) part of the bedtime routine.
I looked back through blog entries from when Ethan was the age Samuel is now, and it was fun to remember the things he would say at this same age. This is when he called people "Dute-doo," and when he labeled many things as "dee-one." Samuel uses his words for "this-one" quite a bit when he wants to refer to something he doesn't know the word for, too, but Ethan used it so liberally it was entertaining. You can read my original entry about it here. This was also the age that Ethan called Jacob "Bubba" still, and yelled out to Jacob when he was performing in a program at church, "Hi Bubba! Hi Bubba!" until Jacob finally acknowledged him. Then yelled "Good job, Bubba!" when it was over. Ah, the love. :-)
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Happy Birthday, Sweet Ethan!
(If you'd like to see the captions, click on the video to go to my Picasa page.)
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
oh my!
Have you heard of Gospel Dance Aerobics?
I'm not a big youtube person; I have only gotten on the site a few times in my life. But I decided to do a search for dance aerobics in the interest of finding some form of exercise I might actually enjoy. A bunch of videos came up for this guy: http://www.pauleugene.com/
Nothing against what he's trying to do - but it just makes me laugh. A little too... well, contrived, for me. Two of the moves are called "offering" and "thanks." If you click the link it will take you to one of his youtube videos so you can see for yourself.
I'm not a big youtube person; I have only gotten on the site a few times in my life. But I decided to do a search for dance aerobics in the interest of finding some form of exercise I might actually enjoy. A bunch of videos came up for this guy: http://www.pauleugene.com/
Nothing against what he's trying to do - but it just makes me laugh. A little too... well, contrived, for me. Two of the moves are called "offering" and "thanks." If you click the link it will take you to one of his youtube videos so you can see for yourself.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
interesting discussions in the van
The boys were off school yesterday for MLK Jr. Day. (At the end of the day, Jacob said, "Wait, today was MLK Jr. Day! Why didn't we do anything for it?") They spent the morning embroiled in video games, taking forced 30 minute breaks two or three times for fighting, but by lunchtime we managed to get everyone dressed and out of the house. We visited Daddy's office, since the older boys hadn't been there for quite a while, and then we went to McDonald's for a late lunch and climbing fest. They were still fairly perky after McDonald's, so I decided to risk going by the mall to pick up some jeans that were on sale. So, all in all, we spent quite a bit of time in the van - enough time that we had several interesting discussions.
First, on the way to Daddy's office, we saw an armored truck, and I commented on it. I asked the boys if they knew what an armored truck was, and when they didn't, I explained it as well as I knew how. They were fascinated that the driver might carry a gun and wanted to know why. This led to a discussion of police officers carrying guns, since I had explained the armored truck driver's gun by using the example of a traffic cop wearing a gun as a precaution and so people would be hesitant to mess with him, even though it is unlikely he would actually need to use it. This, then, led to the question of whether one can survive getting shot. I told them that it is possible, and explained some reasons why getting shot would or would not be fatal. I also said that in certain situations, someone might even intentionally shoot someone in the leg to catch them without killing them. (Heath told me this was not entirely accurate because most people wouldn't chance missing the fairly small target of a leg, but since Mama was giving the info, they get Mama's take on it.) At this, Jacob said, "Yeah, or maybe they'd just go up and hit him with their gun to knock him out." The kid has been watching Daddy play Halo 3 on the xbox 360 too much. I did tell him that it was an unlikely scenario except with the most highly trained and specialized police officers, or if someone happens to have a special armored suit like Master Chief.
Later, when we were loading into the van after leaving the mall, one of the boys asked about how my dad died. I can't even remember what prompted this question, but Jacob has been thinking about it more lately, I know. I explained and reassured them that it was a very rare occurence, so they didn't need to worry about it happening to others they love, and furthermore, that there are now better medicines to treat it. In the course of explaining what happened to my Dad, I said that we didn't get him to the hospital until the infection was pretty advanced, and there is a chance the antibiotics could have stopped the infection if we'd gotten there sooner; but it's also possible they wouldn't have been able to stop it no matter what, and we just can't know because we can't redo it. At this, Jacob started talking about how in the future, maybe we'll have a time machine, so we can travel back in time and warn my dad to go to the hospital early in his sickness. Then, the boys concluded, they'd get to meet him when they warned him, but they still wouldn't have him when they went back to the future because he'd be "like, 100 or something" by then. So I guess this time machine is slated to be developed in the 2040's.
Finally, on the way home, the boys were talking again about how they want to be soldiers when they grow up. I keep telling them that they can be soldiers, but that most people don't do that for their whole lives; they have other careers as well. Jacob says he can't decide between soldier and scientist. I told him he could be a scientist in the military, which caused Ethan to ask what things a person could do in the military, prompting a woefully inadequately response from me, along the lines of "all kinds of things." Jacob piped up before Ethan could question me further and said that he wants to be a soldier on the ground who is shooting and throwing grenades and fighting. (Again - too much Halo 3!) I told him that we don't always have a war going on which requires those things. Maybe this isn't entirely accurate, but I didn't want him to be picturing that as a predictable component of his future plans. They were surprised by this idea, and so I explained that the current wars our military are fighting only started after 9/11. And then I had to explain what 9/11 was.
Explaining 9/11 in their terms was hard. It brought back all the sorrow of it for me. How could a group of people carry out such an act that horrified and grieved all of America? Even those of us with no one we knew who was killed grieved with those who did. I kept my explanation grave but not overly dramatic for the boys, of course, telling them about the hijacked planes, explaining briefly what a terrorist is, and explaining what it did to the WTC towers to be rammed by jet planes. I told them how many people died and how the US responded with the war in Afghanistan because of the terrorists' bases there. I also explained the build up to the Iraq war and how it was believed Hussein had ties to the terrorists and/or had nuclear weapons, but how no nuclear weapons were ever found, so it has become a controversy now with some people thinking we never should have gone into Iraq; how now we are trying to finish the job and help both countries get stable governments before we leave. The amazing thing is, Heath asked Jacob about it when he got home from work, and Jacob was able to report the basics back to him very accurately. He even remembered that the WTC towers were in New York. I have always been amazed by Jacob's verbal comprehension and memory, from the time he was three years old. As usual, Ethan gets pulled into discussions at a younger age than we would otherwise have planned simply by having a brother who is only 19.5 months older. They think they are basically the same age, and I don't think either of them can imagine a scenario where we allow Jacob to hear or watch or discuss something with us that Ethan can't yet. I hate it that Ethan is getting exposed to some harsh things earlier than Jacob, but I guess it is the way it goes with the second born. I'm afraid we're going to have to explain more about human reproduction to Jacob soon, lest he get an inaccurate or even worse, sleazy, explanation from other boys at school, and we are going to have to find a time we can have that talk with just Jacob.
One last thing I just remembered - Jacob explained the Big Bang theory to all of us in the van as well. I was on the phone with Heath during part of it and only able to listen with half my attention. I finished the call and capped off Jacob's explanation by saying, "Yes, that is the way scientists think the universe came to be. And we know that God created everything, so if that's how things came to be the way they are, then that's just the way God chose to do it, right?" Jacob was a little upset that I said scientists "thought" this was how it happened based on the evidence they had, since obviously no one was there to witness it and know exactly, for sure. He told me indignantly that we are still feeling the aftershocks of the Big Bang, so we KNOW that's what happened. After trying to explain my position a couple more times and hearing his adamant rebuttal, I said, "Okay, I'll have to look into that." I'm not sure about the aftershock thing, honestly, so I'll have to look it up.
The kind of discussions we had yesterday are one of the reasons why I was so reluctant to send Jacob to school in the first place - why we stuck out trying to home school long after it became difficult. I still think we made the right decision sending Jacob and Ethan to school, but I am reminded of the kind of natural, interactive learning that can happen in the family when I have days like yesterday. And I love it.
First, on the way to Daddy's office, we saw an armored truck, and I commented on it. I asked the boys if they knew what an armored truck was, and when they didn't, I explained it as well as I knew how. They were fascinated that the driver might carry a gun and wanted to know why. This led to a discussion of police officers carrying guns, since I had explained the armored truck driver's gun by using the example of a traffic cop wearing a gun as a precaution and so people would be hesitant to mess with him, even though it is unlikely he would actually need to use it. This, then, led to the question of whether one can survive getting shot. I told them that it is possible, and explained some reasons why getting shot would or would not be fatal. I also said that in certain situations, someone might even intentionally shoot someone in the leg to catch them without killing them. (Heath told me this was not entirely accurate because most people wouldn't chance missing the fairly small target of a leg, but since Mama was giving the info, they get Mama's take on it.) At this, Jacob said, "Yeah, or maybe they'd just go up and hit him with their gun to knock him out." The kid has been watching Daddy play Halo 3 on the xbox 360 too much. I did tell him that it was an unlikely scenario except with the most highly trained and specialized police officers, or if someone happens to have a special armored suit like Master Chief.
Later, when we were loading into the van after leaving the mall, one of the boys asked about how my dad died. I can't even remember what prompted this question, but Jacob has been thinking about it more lately, I know. I explained and reassured them that it was a very rare occurence, so they didn't need to worry about it happening to others they love, and furthermore, that there are now better medicines to treat it. In the course of explaining what happened to my Dad, I said that we didn't get him to the hospital until the infection was pretty advanced, and there is a chance the antibiotics could have stopped the infection if we'd gotten there sooner; but it's also possible they wouldn't have been able to stop it no matter what, and we just can't know because we can't redo it. At this, Jacob started talking about how in the future, maybe we'll have a time machine, so we can travel back in time and warn my dad to go to the hospital early in his sickness. Then, the boys concluded, they'd get to meet him when they warned him, but they still wouldn't have him when they went back to the future because he'd be "like, 100 or something" by then. So I guess this time machine is slated to be developed in the 2040's.
Finally, on the way home, the boys were talking again about how they want to be soldiers when they grow up. I keep telling them that they can be soldiers, but that most people don't do that for their whole lives; they have other careers as well. Jacob says he can't decide between soldier and scientist. I told him he could be a scientist in the military, which caused Ethan to ask what things a person could do in the military, prompting a woefully inadequately response from me, along the lines of "all kinds of things." Jacob piped up before Ethan could question me further and said that he wants to be a soldier on the ground who is shooting and throwing grenades and fighting. (Again - too much Halo 3!) I told him that we don't always have a war going on which requires those things. Maybe this isn't entirely accurate, but I didn't want him to be picturing that as a predictable component of his future plans. They were surprised by this idea, and so I explained that the current wars our military are fighting only started after 9/11. And then I had to explain what 9/11 was.
Explaining 9/11 in their terms was hard. It brought back all the sorrow of it for me. How could a group of people carry out such an act that horrified and grieved all of America? Even those of us with no one we knew who was killed grieved with those who did. I kept my explanation grave but not overly dramatic for the boys, of course, telling them about the hijacked planes, explaining briefly what a terrorist is, and explaining what it did to the WTC towers to be rammed by jet planes. I told them how many people died and how the US responded with the war in Afghanistan because of the terrorists' bases there. I also explained the build up to the Iraq war and how it was believed Hussein had ties to the terrorists and/or had nuclear weapons, but how no nuclear weapons were ever found, so it has become a controversy now with some people thinking we never should have gone into Iraq; how now we are trying to finish the job and help both countries get stable governments before we leave. The amazing thing is, Heath asked Jacob about it when he got home from work, and Jacob was able to report the basics back to him very accurately. He even remembered that the WTC towers were in New York. I have always been amazed by Jacob's verbal comprehension and memory, from the time he was three years old. As usual, Ethan gets pulled into discussions at a younger age than we would otherwise have planned simply by having a brother who is only 19.5 months older. They think they are basically the same age, and I don't think either of them can imagine a scenario where we allow Jacob to hear or watch or discuss something with us that Ethan can't yet. I hate it that Ethan is getting exposed to some harsh things earlier than Jacob, but I guess it is the way it goes with the second born. I'm afraid we're going to have to explain more about human reproduction to Jacob soon, lest he get an inaccurate or even worse, sleazy, explanation from other boys at school, and we are going to have to find a time we can have that talk with just Jacob.
One last thing I just remembered - Jacob explained the Big Bang theory to all of us in the van as well. I was on the phone with Heath during part of it and only able to listen with half my attention. I finished the call and capped off Jacob's explanation by saying, "Yes, that is the way scientists think the universe came to be. And we know that God created everything, so if that's how things came to be the way they are, then that's just the way God chose to do it, right?" Jacob was a little upset that I said scientists "thought" this was how it happened based on the evidence they had, since obviously no one was there to witness it and know exactly, for sure. He told me indignantly that we are still feeling the aftershocks of the Big Bang, so we KNOW that's what happened. After trying to explain my position a couple more times and hearing his adamant rebuttal, I said, "Okay, I'll have to look into that." I'm not sure about the aftershock thing, honestly, so I'll have to look it up.
The kind of discussions we had yesterday are one of the reasons why I was so reluctant to send Jacob to school in the first place - why we stuck out trying to home school long after it became difficult. I still think we made the right decision sending Jacob and Ethan to school, but I am reminded of the kind of natural, interactive learning that can happen in the family when I have days like yesterday. And I love it.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
unpleasantness you probably don't want to bother reading
I wonder if maybe I am just too angry to be a Christian. I sincerely desire to follow Jesus, and I really try to trust and follow God's way. But I find that my emotions get the best of me. I've been fighting them for 32 years now, and I still haven't found a way to get around the destruction they cause in my life. Today, as on so many other days in my life, I am just angry at nearly everything. I'm angry that I couldn't find my iron this morning when I needed to iron my dress for Aunt Fern's funeral, because someone didn't put it back where it belongs. I'm angry that I couldn't find my baggie of thread spools to mend the sleeves on my dress, even though I am probably the one who put them somewhere illogical, and because there is no order in my bedroom because I am overwhelmed by the amount of housework there is to be done, so I had a very slim chance of finding them. I am angry that I got stuck in Schulte on my way to the funeral because the van wouldn't start after stopping at a convenience store, and particularly because I had already gotten stranded with the van not starting after Tae Kwon Do lessons a week ago, in the freezing cold no less, yet no one has looked at the van to see what caused that between now and then, not looked under the hood or taken it to the shop, not to mention not noticing that the oil hadn't been changed for 7 months. I'm angry because Heath says I'm simply blaming everything on him today (whether or not he's right), and because he didn't notice when I was fixed up for the funeral today, and because the bank won't call me back about our refinance closing tomorrow. I'm angry because Haiti had an earthquake and Pat Robertson is an arrogant idiot. Huge things like that and tiny things like not being complimented by Heath, they all tie me up in an unproductive, miserable, twisted mess of nerves on days like this. I'm angry because I don't have the resources in me to deal with my kids fighting - I simply don't. I'm angry because whenever I'm brutally honest to anyone who will listen like this, Heath won't like it. But yet how can I be honest and be me without sharing anything with his name in it? My whole life is wrapped around his! Honestly, I just want to sleep for a very long time. I'm so tired. Why am I always so tired? Oh right, I don't go to bed on time. But it doesn't seem like it should be this bad. I'm perpetually angry at myself for my weight and the way it makes me look. Really, that is such a volatile subject for me that I can barely discuss it with anyone. I can't even describe how desperate it makes me feel, and I really think that many women, maybe even a majority of us, carry these same feelings inside about our weight/body shape. And now on top of it, I notice that the skin on my face is changing and will never be the same; I am aging! So even if I ever get my body shape back toward normal again, I will never look like I did before I had babies, even with clothes covering my stretch marks. I am trying to ignore this and pretend like I know it is shallow, and I am not concerned, but I really am fairly devastated about it. Am I having a pre-midlife crisis or what? I just do not feel like being all nicey-nice today and finding some way to not sound caustic and irritable. I don't feel like being reformed. I don't feel like writing a blog that anyone would want to read. I don't want to try to see things from a different perspective and be reasonable. I didn't wake up today wanting to be angry about everything. I woke up thinking it would be a nice, enjoyable, productive day. But somewhere around Samuel's third poopy diaper and searching for the iron this morning, things started to go downhill quickly, building up to the van not starting in Schulte. I want to assert my control over something to show that I still do control anything; to burn something up or throw something away or cut my hair. Maybe that's why I feel compelled to blog when I feel like this - I can post something on the internet and no one can tell me to be quiet or to be reasonable. Sort of like graffiti without the risk of getting arrested. Like writing "life sucks" in big letters on my notebooks in Junior High. In college, I used to cut or dye my hair or pierce something. Now that I'm a Mommy, I blog.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
irony
Doesn't it seem like you always end up yelling at the kids after the least bothersome episode of naughtiness in a string of naughty episodes? They will be acting crazy, disobeying, being disrespectful, and I will tell them once, twice, maybe three times, "Hey, guys, this is not okay. You can't act this way; you know that." But then finally, they do one more thing, and it is enough to make me snap. I guess with each of the previous episodes, I think, "There, that reminder will get them back on track." But then it doesn't, and at some point I realize that the behavior is continuing almost as if I haven't said anything about it.
I think that must be what makes me snap - the appearance that they have not been listening to anything I've said, that my words don't have any significance to them. On a personal level, it makes me feel unimportant and unloved, even though my adult mind knows that their lack of adherence to my rules doesn't necessarily equate to their feelings toward me. That may nail down the essence of why repeated disobedience is so very offensive to me, though: The thought that, "If you aren't listening to me, it is because you don't think I am important, and by-gosh I better be important in your life because you are my child! I didn't go through labor and wipe your butt a million times to NOT have an influence on you."
So, apparently I need to remind myself that the boys lack of adherence to my rules doesn't equate with their feelings toward me. They may feel that I am very important, even the most important person in their life right now, and they may be deeply attached to me, but still not want to (or have difficulty with) obeying the rules. I mean, I love my husband very deeply and am very committed to him, but there are still times that I don't want to do what he wants me to do. As a grown-up, I get to argue the merit of my perspective, but if he's not convinced, and I still don't want to do what he wants, he will probably feel slighted and offended and in general, grumpy about it. But the fact is, it doesn't mean I love him any less, even if it feels that way to him - it just means I don't want to do what he's telling me to do. And of course, this goes the other way, too, with me feeling unloved when he won't do some self-sacrificing act for me that I am asking him to do, and I am not able to be convinced of the reasons why he can't or won't do it.
I think that must be what makes me snap - the appearance that they have not been listening to anything I've said, that my words don't have any significance to them. On a personal level, it makes me feel unimportant and unloved, even though my adult mind knows that their lack of adherence to my rules doesn't necessarily equate to their feelings toward me. That may nail down the essence of why repeated disobedience is so very offensive to me, though: The thought that, "If you aren't listening to me, it is because you don't think I am important, and by-gosh I better be important in your life because you are my child! I didn't go through labor and wipe your butt a million times to NOT have an influence on you."
So, apparently I need to remind myself that the boys lack of adherence to my rules doesn't equate with their feelings toward me. They may feel that I am very important, even the most important person in their life right now, and they may be deeply attached to me, but still not want to (or have difficulty with) obeying the rules. I mean, I love my husband very deeply and am very committed to him, but there are still times that I don't want to do what he wants me to do. As a grown-up, I get to argue the merit of my perspective, but if he's not convinced, and I still don't want to do what he wants, he will probably feel slighted and offended and in general, grumpy about it. But the fact is, it doesn't mean I love him any less, even if it feels that way to him - it just means I don't want to do what he's telling me to do. And of course, this goes the other way, too, with me feeling unloved when he won't do some self-sacrificing act for me that I am asking him to do, and I am not able to be convinced of the reasons why he can't or won't do it.
So, maybe I can avoid a little bit of irony in my life if I can remind myself not to take their disobedience so personally, not to snap at the third or fourth or fifth offense - which it so happens is usually the least meriting of a scolding. I can't decide whether it makes me look and feel more stupid to yell at the most grievous violation of the rules in an evening, even if it occurs with no misbehavior preceding it, or to yell at the least grievous violation of the rules in an evening, which occurs after several more serious violations have earned only reminders or warnings.
I mean, come on, and listen to me when I tell you not to put your hands on the sink drain where the germs wash down! I don't care if that's where all the alluring bubbles are, didn't you hear me say not to do it? And you know not to answer me in that baby voice with a one-word sentence and a silly look on your face - that only makes me more irritated.
Right? Definitely worth getting upset over, don't you think? Sigh.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
retreat
I have to say that the WM retreat was really wonderful and certainly helped to renew our feelings of connectedness with our church family. Thanks to the generosity of my mom, we were able to have the freedom to talk and listen to other grown-ups much more than usual, since she watched Samuel for us all weekend. Jacob and Ethan came with us, but they were able to play outside with the other children with minimal supervision most of the time. I was reminded, as I frequently am, of just how special the people of WM are and how blessed we are to be a part of a community such as it. What a privilege to spend almost a whole weekend with so many of them. :-)
Heath took pictures and made them into a cool YouTube movie. You can see it here: Wheatland Mission Retreat Video
(I have waited several days to post this entry hoping Heath would make the edits he wanted to the video, but I have decided I can't wait any longer. So I'm sorry if some of the heads are still cut off.)
Heath took pictures and made them into a cool YouTube movie. You can see it here: Wheatland Mission Retreat Video
(I have waited several days to post this entry hoping Heath would make the edits he wanted to the video, but I have decided I can't wait any longer. So I'm sorry if some of the heads are still cut off.)
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
kids update
In some ways, it seems that I have less to say on this blog as the kids get older. But in other ways, there is still a lot to say, but I simply don't have the time to record it all!
I'll start with the oldest child. Jacob is doing well in school, both academically and socially. It's such a blessing to not have to worry about either of my kids in school. He has friends and told us that he leads the kids at recess in their soccer games. Not that he knows the rules of soccer - but I guess he directs everyone as to what kind of game they are going to play on the soccer field with the soccer ball. I said, "Well, that makes sense that you would be a leader, because you know, Daddy is a leader at his work." Jacob said, "Yeah, I know." (Of course, Mom, I already thought of that.) He is a voracious reader, finishing a book every other night. After he plowed through the entire Magic Tree House collection we bought him this summer, I have started going to the library and checking out 10-15 little books at a time. He finishes them well before the 4 weeks are up, and I go get some more. We've discovered Encyclopedia Brown and The Littles now, so hopefully those series will keep him busy for a while. Luckily, I can still pick out educational historical fiction, like The Sword in the Tree, Riding the Pony Express, The Drinking Gourd, and Sam the Minuteman, and he thinks they are interesting. I have checked out many of the books in the Sonlight curriculum we were going to use for homeschooling, and he has enjoyed reading them. It makes me feel like we are still reaping some of the benefits that I was anticipating from using that curriculum, even though we're not actually home schooling.
Jacob is in "talent pool" for math, which means he gets taken out of the classroom to do higher level math during the regular math time a few times a week (I can't remember exactly how often). His teacher is also collecting information to get him tested for the gifted program by the end of the year, potentially to start the program in third grade. I'm not sure how I feel about that - I guess it could be really good for him. I certainly like it that he is getting more stimulating math at school now. The things they were doing in class he's been doing for a couple of years already. He just "gets" math. He told me that talent pool is way better than regular math, that they do things like 8+A=32. I said, "And you know how to do that?" He said "Yeah." (Again with the tone, like, "Well, yeah, of course, Mom.")
Jacob's behavior has become so easy and pleasant, although he still sometimes gets carried away with things with his brother and stops listening to us. We still have our conflicts with him, but they are much fewer and less intense. A firm reminder usually sets him back on the right path, with a few exceptions, like generalized wildness before bed.
Now to the second oldest child. Ethan also seems to be doing well in Kindergarten. He started a little "behind" by today's standards, in other words, not already reading. Ridiculous! He was not as interested in learning letter sounds or sounding out words as Jacob was during his preschool years, so I didn't push it, since I don't believe it is in any way necessary to read at that early age. When he started Kindergarten, the teacher put papers in his take-home folder with a page of letters in random order, to practice recognizing letter sounds, and columns of words, like cat, hat, rat, sat, bat, etc. The goal is to work through the pages - first recognizing all the letter sounds, then moving through the three-letter words columns. He took a while to get all the letter sounds, but now he has it and he is working quickly through the columns of small words. He's still behind most of his class in completing the columns, since he had to spend more time on letter sounds, but he's going to catch up pretty quickly now. I wanted to be careful that the process and the pressure to learn this didn't cause him to hate school or to think he "just wasn't good at reading" or something ridiculous like that. He's only 5, for heaven's sake! Thankfully, he has been mostly willing to practice (and I don't push it when he's not), and he is super excited that he "reads now!" They'll start sending home little books to read each night after Christmas, and I think he'll be ready. I have been thankful that his teacher seems to hold a similar view, that despite having goals and plans for them learning to read in Kindergarten, we don't pressure them, we still let them be kids. His teacher has been doing this for about 20 years, starting back when we only taught letters in Kindergarten. So he has a broad perspective that I appreciate.
I think Ethan is doing well in the friend arena, as well. He has always been extroverted and good at making friends. When I visited for lunch and recess, it seemed to me that he knew and was playing with everyone. But then when I ask about his friends, he'll say he doesn't have any, or that he only has one or two. His definition of "friend" must be a little bit different than mine. Also, he sometimes tells me things about school that are not altogether accurate in order to be dramatic or to get attention in the midst of Jacob sharing interesting stories about school, so I don't know. He had one friend that he really liked who sat across from him, who moved after a few weeks of school, and he was sad about that. But now he has made friends with two other boys who sit at his table, so hopefully those will be friendships that will last throughout the year. He also has two little girls he is friends with, identical twins in his class. I suspect one or both of them probably thinks he is her "boyfriend," but I think Ethan is clueless about it. So that's pretty cute. I don't think he can tell them apart, but he plays with both of them.
Ethan's behavior at home is still pretty crazy and difficult. He has an incredible amount of energy, is always moving, and physical with other kids and objects/furniture around him. He is loving and sweet at times, but he also pushes his limits constantly. I know he'll get it eventually, and I'm trying to be patient. But it can be maddening to tell him for the millionth time not to "discipline" Samuel, not to exact revenge on Jacob, to let us deal with his brothers instead; not to say "hate" or "evil" (as in "Sam is evil" or "Jacob is evil" - we think that is too strong and don't want him to say it) or to talk about bodily functions all the time. His teacher says his behavior is mostly okay at school, except for wrestling other kids during rug time. I can just picture it!
Now to the youngest child. Samuel has become two. He turned two five months ago, but he only became two a month ago. Since he became two, he has unrolled a roll of TP and tried to stuff it down a shower drain after removing the drain cover, taken handfuls of ashes out of the fireplace and spread them around the family room (including over the electronics), and removed about 15 keys from the laptop keyboard. On top of those major events, he also tries to empty soap dispensers and cover the bathroom counters, mirrors and floors with water whenever possible and gets into the Vaseline next to the changing table and spreads it all over himself and his bedroom surfaces whenever opportunity arises. I have put doorknob covers on a couple of doors and resorted to locking the bathroom downstairs much of the time. He also throws toys, but we have been working on curbing that habit for a while. It didn't seem like a big deal until all this other stuff was added to it. Onery! He is just so onery! It'll pass, I know. He had just been really ridiculously easy and pleasant up to this point, and we didn't think we'd go through this kind of stuff with him. He's also recently decided he's done with naps. What?!? Yeah, he's not even two and a half. I am not so happy about this development. But I'll put him in his bed, and he'll stay in there and talk for 30 minutes and finally wander out. He doesn't even act tired, so I don't feel like it's fair to force it. I really need my nap time break to survive, though, so I've got to figure something else out. He's been napless for at least a week now.
Samuel is talking more every day, and I am delighted about that. It is so fun to hear his words and ideas. He labels things as "BIG" in a deep, gruff voice, or "cute" if it is small. He is recognizing some colors. He's using many three or four word sentences, though I doubt people outside our family could understand him. He had started going in the potty, and I thought maybe we would potty train early with him, but now he has decided he's not interested. Maybe a couple of times a day he'll want to go in the potty, but he has no reservations about going in his pullup the rest of the time (or in his underwear if we put those on him again). I think it is probably not worth pushing the issue at this point. Maybe on a weekend, we will try again just with underwear and see how it goes. He may just be in an independent/rebellious stage now that is not conducive to potty training.
Well, that covers some basics for the kids. I'll try to post Halloween pictures soon. :-)
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
How much?
**Here is an entry I wrote back in December 2008 but never posted. I decided to edit and post it now. **
The other night, we were discussing with my in-laws Rob Bell's newest book, Jesus Wants to Save Christians. The book points out the tendency of God's people to forget that He is a rescuer of the oppressed when they themselves are no longer members of the oppressed. Bell reminds his readers that God always hears the cry of the oppressed and the needy, and that we are to represent His merciful, rescuing nature to the world.
As we reflected on this truth, we realized the difficulty in agreeing about precisely how this translates into real-life action. Bell is calling us to a higher level of giving than currently exists, and many of us would agree that the poverty that exists worldwide is sickening, especially in light of American affluence.* So we agree that we need to give more as a group, but how does that translate into our individual lives? Is there a point at which Christians should draw the line in their lifestyle and say "This is enough; I will give the rest away"? Or is there a point when we can agree that the poor among us are provided for, so it is okay to have whatever lifestyle one wishes, within one's means?
I do not think that God wishes all of his people to be at exactly the same level of wealth or poverty; I don't believe making a lot of money or having a lot of wealth is inherently displeasing to God. Rather, I see how God works through His people who do make a lot of money or have a lot of wealth to bless others who are in need. It is only when God's people hoard their wealth at the expense of helping the poor that the wealth becomes an obstacle to a relationship with God. In that situation, the poor suffer, but the wealthy also suffer as they cling to their wealth and forget their God.
Even when Christians who are high earners or born wealthy are willing to give, there is still the decision of how much. How much to keep and how much to give? Furthermore, in giving, should one concern oneself first with our fellow Americans, or primarily with the desperately poor in other countries?
We do have some government programs to help Americans in need, but do these programs meet the needs that exist? Here are some interesting numbers I compiled about the qualifying income for a family of four for various government programs:
$42,850 - maximum amount a family of four can earn without paying taxes
$42,400 - to qualify for State-sponsored health insurance for children (for a fee)
$39,783 - to receive Earned Income Credit
$39,220 - to receive WIC vouchers
$31,806 - for pregnant woman or child under age 1 to be on Medicaid
$28,194 - for children 1-5 to be on Medicaid (higher limits in some states)
$27,564 - to receive food stamps
$21,200 - for children 6-19 to be on Medicaid (higher limits in some states)
These amounts may conjure a wide range of reactions in those who see them. Some may think, "How does anyone live on that amount!" Others may think, "That's not so little! I can't believe the threshold is so high for certain programs." This reflects the difficulty in deciding what it means to care for the poor. Consider this: According to the Census Bureau, among poor families (earning less than $21,027 for a family of 4):
66% have living space of more than 2 rooms per person (on average a 3 bedroom, 1.5 bathroom house), 75% own a car and 31% own two cars, 97% have a color television, 55% have two or more TVs, 25% have a large screen TV, 78% have a VCR or DVD player, 62% have cable or satellite tv, 89% have a microwave oven, 64% have a clothes washer, 58% have a clothes dryer, 50% have a stereo, 33% have a dishwasher, 91% have phone service, 33% have both landline and cell phones.
I am not listing these statistics in order to downplay the difficulties faced by families in poverty. I am simply illustrating that the standard of living that we perceive as "minimal" for Americans is changing. When my mother was growing up, her family had almost none of the conveniences listed above, nor did most middle class families (of course, many were not invented yet). Even in my childhood, a family considered poor would usually not have phone service or a television, and certainly not a washer and dryer, dishwasher, microwave, VCR or cable service. We have gotten used to our conveniences and can't imagine what it would be like to live without them, so we have come to think that everyone must have them. So often when a family is having trouble making ends meet, it is in light of this lifestyle which we have made the norm in our society. This illustrates that food or shelter insecurity is not often an ongoing condition for families in the United States. Even among the poor in America, food and shelter needs are generally met, allowing other amenities to be acquired. So, the needs of America's poor are more likely to be help in a temporary housing or food crisis and help with other less critical but still important needs, like health care and education.
Turning our attention to the poor outside our country, we are faced with a much different picture. People in other countries are truly starving, lacking shelter and clothing, lacking clean water and basic protection from disease. God's heart and the heart of His people cry out to meet these critical needs. It often seems beyond our grasp to truly make a difference for the huge number of desperately poor, but we can at least contribute to change.
So, what do you think? Do you have a lifestyle limit in mind for yourself (or others), beyond which any income would be given to the poor? How do you think we should balance our giving between home and foreign countries? How do we define need, and is it possible to agree that needs are being met, short of coming to a point of everyone having essentially the same standard of living?
*Heath pointed out the need to reword this sentence, when I at first wrote that American affluence is sickening in light of worldwide poverty. Actually, the poverty is what is sickening and wrong.
Friday, September 11, 2009
plans
I have made some changes to my plans for day care for the upcoming year. My original plan was to go at it full-force - to take the maximum number of children I was allowed to take, to put all my energy toward it. Now, I've decided that I am going to limit myself to 4 children instead of 6 during the day - that is 3 plus Samuel. I think this will be more manageable and keep me from getting too overwhelmed or stretched thin, insuring that I have the energy I need for my own family, too. However, if at some point all the children I'm caring for are potty-trained 3 and 4 year olds, then maybe I could consider caring for more than 4 during the day. It's been harder than we expected to do housework in the evenings - after feeding the kids and putting them to bed, we are both more than ready to quit working for the day. So, maybe taking four instead of six children will allow me to keep up on some of the cleaning necessary for day care during day care hours.
Right now I only have one extra child I am caring for. I purposefully didn't advertise my openings until just a couple of days ago, because I wanted to have a light load during the last couple of weeks before school started. Part of me thinks I should have waited to start day care until my big boys started school. This summer, having them home and doing day care, was harder than I thought. Yet, I don't know if I could have done anything more for/with them had I not had day care children here. I still couldn't have taken them to the pool for long periods of time every day, unless they wanted to stay in the baby pool with Samuel and I the entire time, since I can't keep all three of them safe by myself in the deeper water. And I don't think I could have done any more to manage their fighting without day care kids here. At least caring for day care kids reassured me that I was still doing something well, despite being unable to prevent or control my big boys' fighting at times. How can they love and rely on each other so much and still torture each other the way they do? Having breaks from each other now that school has started certainly helps their relationship and my tension level.
Work and money are funny things sometimes. I read an Amish fictional book recently, as I do from time to time, and I was reminded of how much our work can make us feel important or unimportant, powerful or powerless. The Amish purposefully chose jobs that keep them humble. They don't educate their children beyond 8th grade because there is no job in the Amish life that requires higher education, and they believe that higher education would only serve to make members of their community proud and elitist. It is an interesting thing to ponder, I think - how much we choose our jobs because of the importance and power they confer, or how much we choose them simply to provide for ourselves and our families. I don't want to be poor -- I don't think any of us does, really, just for the sake of being poor, although some choose it to draw closer to God. I think providing for our family is the main reason Heath and I work, and in the fields that we do. But the element of gaining prestige or significance from one's work does creep in at times. However, even if we wanted to choose a very simple, humble life now, scaling down our housing, rarely eating out, getting rid of our tv service, high-speed internet (gasp!) and our iphones (gasp!), we would still have the little matter of our debts, mostly education debts. So we work to pay them off, and in the process we become accustomed to a lot of other perks. But I also get mad at the money and the work it requires, sometimes. Why do we need so much of it? Why does it seem we can't live on less? No matter how much we make, why is the debt still so hard to pay off? It shouldn't be so mysterious or difficult, but sometimes it seems like it is.
Right now I only have one extra child I am caring for. I purposefully didn't advertise my openings until just a couple of days ago, because I wanted to have a light load during the last couple of weeks before school started. Part of me thinks I should have waited to start day care until my big boys started school. This summer, having them home and doing day care, was harder than I thought. Yet, I don't know if I could have done anything more for/with them had I not had day care children here. I still couldn't have taken them to the pool for long periods of time every day, unless they wanted to stay in the baby pool with Samuel and I the entire time, since I can't keep all three of them safe by myself in the deeper water. And I don't think I could have done any more to manage their fighting without day care kids here. At least caring for day care kids reassured me that I was still doing something well, despite being unable to prevent or control my big boys' fighting at times. How can they love and rely on each other so much and still torture each other the way they do? Having breaks from each other now that school has started certainly helps their relationship and my tension level.
Work and money are funny things sometimes. I read an Amish fictional book recently, as I do from time to time, and I was reminded of how much our work can make us feel important or unimportant, powerful or powerless. The Amish purposefully chose jobs that keep them humble. They don't educate their children beyond 8th grade because there is no job in the Amish life that requires higher education, and they believe that higher education would only serve to make members of their community proud and elitist. It is an interesting thing to ponder, I think - how much we choose our jobs because of the importance and power they confer, or how much we choose them simply to provide for ourselves and our families. I don't want to be poor -- I don't think any of us does, really, just for the sake of being poor, although some choose it to draw closer to God. I think providing for our family is the main reason Heath and I work, and in the fields that we do. But the element of gaining prestige or significance from one's work does creep in at times. However, even if we wanted to choose a very simple, humble life now, scaling down our housing, rarely eating out, getting rid of our tv service, high-speed internet (gasp!) and our iphones (gasp!), we would still have the little matter of our debts, mostly education debts. So we work to pay them off, and in the process we become accustomed to a lot of other perks. But I also get mad at the money and the work it requires, sometimes. Why do we need so much of it? Why does it seem we can't live on less? No matter how much we make, why is the debt still so hard to pay off? It shouldn't be so mysterious or difficult, but sometimes it seems like it is.
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