struggling - part 3

I don't know what to do to make this situation better. I really need some time away from my kids to gain perspective. Usually the grandmas are able to take the kids individually for a while each summer, but that didn't work out this year. Also, these last three days Heath was in Phoenix for work, which was necessary but not helpful. Before that we had a weekend where I was abandonded with the kids by myself while he went out and did fun stuff for about 30 hours straight with guy friends who were in town (okay, he did sleep in there somewhere). Sorry, guys, but also not helpful for a depressed stay-at-home mom who needs every possible break she can get from the kids.

I feel like there is no one to help me with this.
I did go to my mom's for a day and a night while Heath was in Phoenix, and that was helpful. I probably should do that any time Heath is gone for more than a day -- I have been afraid to, before, because the price of having my mom's help is the difficulty of monitoring the kids' activities in a less familiar place with all new things to destroy and dangers to test, and the struggle to get them to go to sleep away from their own beds. Mom needs to get ready for summer school now, anyway, and directly after that regular school starts -- she has her own responsibilities, just like everyone does. There are people I could ask for help from church, but what have I done for anyone else to justify asking for help from them? I would, though. Please, moms, I'll watch your kids with mine for a while, any time you have an appointment, need a couple of hours break, or whatever; please feel free to call, because I will understand and want to help you! And I am almost always here. The house may not always be clean, but I can try to straighten it up quickly and make it work. And then I'll call you next time for the same thing.

Thank God, I get to go on a girls' weekend in about 9 days, with my mom, cousin, and aunt. That will help. But at the same time, I don't want to burden Heath by dumping the kids on him for around 48 hours. I am hoping he will go to GC and get some help with the kids from his family while he visits.

So you can see why we are considering me getting a job just so I can get a break from the kids, even if I have to work during that break. In case you're wondering, if I did have to get a job, what I'd really like is to have a job as technical writer, or as any kind of writer or editor for that matter, but as a technical writer I'd be more likely to get paid enough to make it worth it. Actually, what I'd like to be even more than that is an Arbitrator/Mediator, but that seems to be something that is quite difficult to get into, and there are only 140 in the whole state, 30 in Wichita. There are a few other careers I'm interested in, too, all of which would require further education -- accounting, speech therapy, several different IT careers that might be a good fit. I'm also still open to the idea of being some sort of administrative or legal assistant, like I was before Jacob was born. I especially enjoyed working with legal matters, but being an administrative assistant in the right field/company would be interesting, too. Any kind of writing or administrative/legal assistant work I could start without any further education, so that is one advantage of those positions. However, if I really felt I would be more fulfilled and get paid more from one of the other occupations, then it would be worth it to get further education for them. But perhaps these are all just unnecessary considerations at this point. Perhaps what I still should be doing is being a stay-at-home wife and mother, and I just need to have a less intense load of contact with the kids (i.e. not be with them 24/7) in order to rediscover how to be fulfilled and good at it.

Just 25 days until school starts, 17 weekdays. I just have to figure out how to manage the situation productively until then.