this week

I am really sick.

That's the first thing that had been hard this week.

I woke up at 4 am Tuesday morning thinking, "Oh, my throat!", took ibuprofen, went back to sleep for a few hours, and managed to make it through the day. Each day the pain in my throat and ears and the vicinity has gotten worse, but I've had to keep doing day care and taking care of my own kids because...

Tuesday morning, the email server for Heath's department's customers went down. He told me he would be at the office "until further notice," and it's pretty much been true. He's come home to sleep for a few hours here and there, and yesterday he actually got home shortly after 6 pm and stayed until 8 am this morning (taking work calls and messages from here). Not that I noticed, since I went straight to bed when he got here.

So I've done daycare from 6:30 am - 5:50 pm each day, taken him dinner, then put the kids to bed - except for last night, I pointed him to the leftovers in the fridge and let him put the kids to bed, while I went straight to my own bed.

This morning, my throat and the vicinity were even worse, and I thought, "There is no way I can do this again today." I called all my day care parents and told them, except for one, the little girl who comes at 6:30 am, who I couldn't reach in time (and I don't think they would have had any other options, anyway). Then we tried to call the teenage babysitters we sometimes use to see if one of them could come over and help for the day. No luck. So I've been trying to plow through by myself. It has not been pretty.

I finally got the two two-year-olds down for naps now, so I only have Ethan to keep happy for the next hour and a half (probably just an hour now). Heath says he will be home at a normal time again, so I might get a welcome break, until tomorrow morning at least. He'll have to leave work in time for church tomorrow, because he is doing the teaching since Paul will be gone.

Part of me is amazed that I've made it through this week so far, but part of me is just disgusted with my weakness, i.e., the fact that I have now given in to feeling really angry and nagging Heath to give me the support and help I desperately need, rather than being "supportive" and happily bringing him meals and such, blah blah blah. I come back around to thinking over and over that I just wasn't not cut out to be an adult.

Stupid week.