confessions

A dear friend who reads this blog pointed out that we should all be blogging about things that would help us realize we are not alone in our struggles as mothers - the crazy things like when our children smear lotion (or worse) all over the walls or make fountains inside where fountains shouldn't be. So I decided today's blog would be dedicated to the side of staying at home that is less than glamorous or idealistic. So here are some of my confessions:

My kids have made all sort of messes in the house - milk spit all over the bedroom floor intentionally, poop smeared on the floor, walls and door, bathroom floor flooded multiple times, paint rubbed off of toys onto the wall by scraping the toy along the wall (you should see our hallway), crayon and pencil on the walls, water mixed with whatever interesting things they could find in whatever interesting containers they could find.

My kids have recently started telling each other that they hate each other. This has been very disturbing to me and very difficult to make them stop.

My kids hit each other multiple times every day. On occasion I have been worried that they have really injured each other. Jacob has made Ethan's nose bleed several times (but Ethan gets bloody noses easily).

I yell at them almost every day, or at the very least use my "mean voice" and lecture them (which leaves me more upset than they are and earns me shocked stares if we are in public).

I let Samuel do a lot of things that many of you probably would not allow. For that matter, I let the big boys do a lot of things that many of you probably would not allow. I try to reserve saying no for things I am absolutely sure and determined not to let them do, and I simply don't have the energy to make a rule against jumping off the couches or climbing around on the couches or racing up and down the hallway. In fact, I kind of think it's good for them that I allow them to get as much exercise as they do indoors. I also think it is good for Samuel that I let him explore, although I am not happy about the few times I have found him playing in the toilet when his brothers left the bathroom door open, especially when it hadn't been flushed! (Flushing and shutting the bathroom door are rules that do get enforced, but have been forgotten a few times.) I have also been horrified the two times he has fallen down a portion of stairs, but he has been perfectly fine after both times. Thank God.

I am not as good of a housekeeper as many of you. I let dishes and laundry build up more often than not. I don't wash the table off after every meal, although it drives me crazy when it is not clean. I want to empty the diaper pail in Samuel's room every day, or more than once a day, but sometimes it doesn't get taken out for two or three days.

Since writing my posts articulating why I think home school is the best option for our family, I have several times, including this afternoon, been ready to hop in the car and go enroll the kids in school as quickly as possible - in any school, who cares how good or bad it is, just give me a break!

I have laid down and turned on the TV to occupy the kids so that I can get some rest, and let it stay on longer than it should. In fact, there are many times I have let the TV stay on even though I wanted to shut it off, but it was occupying them so well and I was so exhausted or so much in need of a break that I couldn't make myself shut it off. (Although I have always been careful about content, at least - I can't think of a program I let them watch that isn't educational.)

I let Heath watch the Lord of the Rings movies with the big boys, and now I worry that they are scarred from it. I don't think Ethan realizes that the war scenes were not really happening somewhere, sometime. I worry this contributes to their continual play fighting, "I'll kill you!" sort of play which I already find disturbing.

I deleted one thing from this list that I decided would be too disturbing for some of you.

Okay, Mommy friends, I hope that helps you know you are not alone in this life which is certainly not all watching soap operas, sunbathing, and eating chocolate bonbons.

Do you ever feel like your children are intentionally trying to make you crazy?

I said in my post below that my only hope for salvaging the day was to get a nap this afternoon. I'm not talking about a long nap or a completely undisturbed nap, but something where I can at least sort of slip away from reality and relax for 30 minutes to an hour would have worked.

So, I finally get Samuel down for his afternoon nap about an hour ago. Immediately I turn on a show for the big boys and lay down on the playroom couch. I thought I learned my lesson from this morning - I wasn't even going to try the bed and TV in our room, since it was across the hall from Samuel's room. Too hard to keep the big boys quiet. I told them how important it was that I get a little bit of rest, so to please let me lay there in peace so that I could recover, not be grumpy, and we could have a good evening.

They started climbing all over me almost immediately. I did my best to ignore this and drift off to sleep. Someone dropped butt down onto my head a couple of times. I was determined to pretend I didn't notice. Finally, when Ethan was laying on my back hitting me in the head and screaming "Mommy! Mommy!" in my ear, I gave up on the couch. I paused the show, sat up and explained again how important it was that I get some rest and get it NOW. I told them I was going into the guest room (adjacent to the playroom), that I would leave the door open, but to leave me alone and let me rest. I turned their show back on and went in there. Within minutes Ethan was back in climbing on my bed. I scolded him and he stopped. Then I felt someone else bump my bed. "Stop!" Bump. "Don't bump the bed!" Bump. "I'm trying to rest!" Hop up on the bed. It's Jacob. He's scared because Ethan is telling him there are monsters in the bedroom.

OMG. Seriously. I know people handle stuff like this, and way way worse, but I feel like they are trying to torture me or make me crazy. I know, I know, it's all about how I react to it, blah blah blah. I need a nap!

Samuel's screaming. "Naptime" is over. Gotta go get him. 3.5 more hours to survive.

Friday, I found out that Heath had been given a great opportunity at work. The only catch was that he had to fly to LA for training almost immediately, and would be gone Sunday afternoon through Wednesday night. We both were a little nervous about him being gone, considering how things have been going here at home, but I wanted him to take the opportunity. "I'll just hire day care if I have to!" I said.

Well, the kids have been sick, so my plan of putting them in daycare did not work out. Also, our neighborhood daycare lady that sometimes watches them did not have any open times until today. (In retrospect I wish I had gone ahead and scheduled for today - I am absolutely exhausted.) But surprisingly, Sunday and Monday went really, really well. We went to Target, the playground, and house church on Sunday after dropping Heath off at the airport. Then, we had another pleasant day together on Monday, generally in good moods and enjoying each other's company. We even made it to WalMart in the afternoon, then to Exploration Place and swung by McDonald's drive-through before coming home to watch the prime time premiere of Dora Saves the Mermaids before bed.

Tuesday was a little rockier, because I didn't get as much sleep, forgot to take my meds on time, and basically just didn't get as good of a start to the day. We had to take the dog in to the vet first thing in the morning to get a mass removed, and with the kids having been up in the night with their colds (eventually ending up in bed with me), we had a hard time getting out of the house on time and got scolded by the vet's receptionist. The vet wasn't even there yet, but apparently it was important for me to have the dog there at the crack of dawn. Still, yesterday wasn't a total loss - overall we still had a good day, and I have been very thankful for how smoothly things have gone. We went to McDonald's again for supper, but we went in and played in the playplace this time and the kids loved that. We couldn't go anywhere else yesterday because it was too cold for playgrounds or the zoo, and the kids were too obviously sick during the day (coughs and runny noses) to take them anywhere indoors. I may be a bad Mom for taking them to the playplace in the evening when they were sick that morning, but I'm just trying to survive. At least I didn't invite any of your kids to come, right?

This morning, the cumulative sleep deprivation really hit me. I tried to be proactive about fixing it, and as soon as I got Samuel down for his morning nap I laid down and turned a show on for the big boys. It didn't work - they pretty much tortured me the whole time. So now I'm just trying to pump as much caffeine into my bloodstream as possible and survive until bedtime. Heath will be home tonight, horray! I was hoping to go visit some of you friends this week to make the time pass more enjoyably and quickly, but with the kids sick I didn't want to do that to you (or your kids). They do seem in better health today though (thus me wishing I had scheduled them with the daycare lady). I'll get a break tomorrow morning for Mom's Day Out, if they will take Ethan back after he repeatedly ignored and disobeyed the teacher last week. Is it bad that while the teacher was reporting this to me, I was thinking, "Why are you telling me? I left them with you to get away from it. What do you want me to do?" Instead I said to the MDO teacher, "I'll talk to him about it." Yes, I'll talk to my 3-year-old about it. I'm sure it will have a big impact. What would they do if someone was like, "Oh, I see. I'll have to take him out to the woodshed when we get home." Is that the response they are looking for? (Don't worry, we don't actually have a woodshed, so he's in the clear.)

I'm just praying for a chance for a nap this afternoon, because by the time I finished this post it become clear that I am past the point of caffeine having any affect. Heath just sent me a message that he just has a few more things to take care of before going to check out of his hotel and get to the airport. Horray! Maybe we can still salvage the day, I'll let you know...

For the last week and a half, I have tried not to post any entries where I was just reiterating the same complaints about my life again. I haven't been incredibly upbeat or anything, but I have found a few other things to focus on. But I can't get away from it - my life is really hard right now. And somehow I need to make an honest cry out into the openness of the blogosphere every so often and say, yeah, it still sucks over here. I'm trying my best to be positive, and to make things better as much as I can, but I think it's just a difficult phase of life for us right now.

My whole plan for a schedule with Samuel hasn't really been working out. He's not really down with it. He much prefers to be held as many hours in a day as possible and to sleep only when he's really really ready. Which is around 11 pm most nights. Which is not terrible most nights because Heath and I can just stay up talking and watching silly TV shows together. But tonight Heath was gone to his D-group, so it was just Samuel and I sitting here, nursing, talking, enjoying his sweetness, but eventually I was just really wanting to be able to lay him down so I could shower or do the dishes or laundry or any number of other things.

Last night I got him down around 10:30 and savored the next 30 minutes of being physically alone. Right now (11 pm) he is laying in his bed awake - I am trying to remind him of how he knows how to fall asleep by himself. He's not so sure about it. The mobile stopped and he's mad. But you know, despite my weariness at always having my arms full, he's my easiest task right now. Even though my plan for a schedule hasn't worked out for him, I feel like I'm doing okay with mothering him. I'm nursing him, he's gaining weight, I smile and talk to him and keep him safe and do get him to sleep a reasonable number of hours for a baby his age (albeit at times decided by him). What more could I do? But my two older boys... I don't think I want to even delve into how I feel about my parenting of them lately. Woefully inadequate is a good summary phrase.

Anyway. Sorry to be a downer, but desperate to scream out to whoever would listen about how I was feeling.

I really need a solution for Jacob's problem with fears. I feel like it handicaps our entire family. Imagine if your child wouldn't stay in any room of your house by himself! A big problem is his unwillingness to go to the bathroom by himself, which results in much cajoling of the dog or his brother to go with him. We will not go with him anymore, because we are not going to enable his fears. Even aside from him not being able to go to the bathroom by himself, his inability to stay in a room alone is frustrating and annoying. Just now, I went into the guest room - about 10 feet away from where he was in the playroom - and as soon as he realized he was alone, he raced into the guest room with a frantic look in his eyes. I am not even sympathetic anymore. I told him that if he raced after me like that, I would assume he was being chased by some dangerous wild animal. Most of the time I manage to hold back my sarcasm and annoyance, but after a full day of having a shadow I sometimes say something like that.

Another big rub with him not being willing to be alone is when it comes to dealing with conflict. I needed to have a little talk with Ethan earlier today before putting him in time out, but Jacob raced after us when we tried to leave the room, and wouldn't give us even a few feet of space to talk privately (he wanted to stand right outside the door in the hallway while we were in the bedroom). Furthermore, when I get tense or stress with what is going on between them or with Samuel or whatever it may be, I can often calm down quickly if I can just get a few minutes alone. But if I try to go somewhere alone, he immediately races after me, usually runs into me when I stop walking, and continues to follow wherever I go. If I shut myself in our bedroom or the bathroom, he sits by the door (often talking to me or screaming to be let in). It doesn't have the same calming effect when he's talking through the door to me.

So, anyway, I need solutions! I have thought of putting him in his room alone for a set period of time each day, to just force him to deal with it. Maybe I'd start with 5 minutes and work up to however long. But then I wonder if that is mean or just me being desperate. I think I could tolerate the situation until he outgrew it if I didn't have other things I am working on with the other kids - Ethan's whining and fit-throwing, Samuel's nap schedule (or lack thereof some days).

What do you all think? Any other ideas?

A little while ago, I had to punish the children for a blatant act of disobedience (nothing new there). Afterward, Jacob said, "Mommy, God says to do to others what you want them to do to you, and not to return evil for evil, and to do good to one another. And you are just doing the opposite of that!"

Okay, I have to be impressed with his scripture memory. But how do I argue with that?

I said, "God also says for parents to train their children to do the right things."

He responded, "Okay, so you are doing one thing God says, but you aren't doing all those other things!"

Wow. Hmmm. I gotta think of better answers - my brain was already used up for the day today.

home alone

Today is the first day that I am alone with all three boys. Heath went back to work for a half day. I asked him to do a few half days so I can ease into this new level of responsibility.

My older boys are going to have to learn patience through this, I can already see. Ethan freaked out when I told him he had to wait for me to get his cereal because I was feeding the baby. Luckily, he didn't lash out at the baby or seem to even be mad at him; he was just mad at me. Jacob is slightly more reasonable, but for some reason kept asking me over and over to vacuum this morning. He likes to help me clean. They also both wanted me to blow up and tie balloons, which I did manage to do while nursing Samuel. I can tell I won't be answering the phone much or doing anything very engrossing on the computer. So if I don't pick up your call or comment on your blog for a while, please don't be offended.

Thank God for coffee!

I am having a bad day. I am feeling like there is nothing I can do to influence whether or not Jacob is going to obey me. He doesn't care if I spank him, or put him in his room, or take away privileges. I mean, he cares at the moment, because he doesn't like the punishment when it occurs, but it doesn't make him any more likely to obey in the future - it doesn't change his attitude.

Dr. Dobson, in his book Dare to Discipline and also in The Strong Willed Child, describes how spanking is the best response when a child is willfully disobedient. He describes a scenerio where the child is testing the parent: The parent makes a rule and the child purposefully disobeys, in part to see if the parent is really serious about his/her word. The parent responds by spanking, and telling the child why he got spanked, at which point the child becomes repentant. Afterwards, the child and parent are back on good terms, and the child knows the parent means what he/she says.

It doesn't work this way for me. My children don't become repentant. They are mad they got spanked, and they may offer an apology if it is requested, but it doesn't break the spirit of willful disobedience. They still want their way more than they want to obey me. Jacob will even try to explain to me, "But I just wanted to do such and such..." Even as I am trying to explain to him why it is important to obey.

So, on days like this, I feel like I am completely ineffectual. And it is depressing because I feel completely out of control of my environment. I feel like despite everything I have read and tried to learn about discipline, I really know nothing, and I really have no influence.

Sorry to be such a downer. I'll probably remove this when I have a good day tomorrow, anyway.

the rules

I think I need to ask for prayer for my relationship with Jacob. These last couple of days, he has been testing me an unbelieveable amount of times each day. Simple rules, that I thought we were past, are being broken every 5-10 minutes. I know this is just what kids do, and he needs to have me reinforce the rules and be diligent, but it is really draining. I am trying not to allow my emotions to be affected as much by it today as they were yesterday, and just administer consequences for rules he breaks, knowing full well they are rules.

For your amusement, for those of you who are past this stage of life with your kids, I thought I'd share some of the rules we are having trouble with:
Don't knock over the fan.
Don't throw cars.
Don't lie to us about whether or not you wiped your butt.
Don't steal toys from Ethan.
Go to the bathroom when you need to - don't wait too late.
Don't get objects off of high surfaces that are not meant for you. (i.e. Daddy's dresser, kitchen counters, etc.)

I'm sure the rules will be about more intense, important matters later. I guess that is why I need to obtain their hearts' obedience now. I unplugged the downstairs TV and computer today so that Jacob and I could both be focused on dealing with these issues. (I'm working on the laptop right now because I am more likely to take it outside with them or close it down in an instant to deal with an incident.) I had to deal decisively with some rebellion this morning, but it seems he is doing better right now.... playing outside here nicely. I gave him some stickers for helping to put away some books, and that is always a good motivator for him.

I had a horrible time at Superior School Supply today. I had been wanting an alphabet line and a number line or chart, as well as a phonics chart and/or flashcards. I knew that it is always more challenging to take the kids with me somewhere. I have had enough difficult experiences to make me want to never take them in a store with me again, but there is still a part of me that says I am a major wimp for feeling that way, and that I have to just be matter-of-fact about it and do it. So, I thought, I'll just go in, get what I need, and we'll go.

However, it wasn't that simple. I couldn't find exactly what I was looking for. I kept finding things that did look helpful in locations I didn't expect them to be - so that prompted my continued search for exactly what I wanted (thinking it was probably just hidden away somewhere). The kids meanwhile were roaming the store a bit. The stayed on the east half of the store with me, but I couldn't keep them in sight for more than a few seconds. I would go to where they were, or bring them to me, but the minute I started to look at the racks to try to find what I wanted, they were off exploring again. I mean, come on - they are little boys, and this was a store filled with things designed to be engaging and interesting to them. On the other hand, haven't I been training them to obey for these last 4 and 2.5 years? Why were they so thoroughly disregarding my directions?

I was trying to just get out of there without making a scene. But alas, it was not to be.

It was taking me forever to find anything, because whenever I started looking through the racks, I had to stop and rescue the merchandise from my children's hands again. So, finally, the lady at the counter tells me that the display shelves are not very sturdy, and I need to make sure the boys don't touch them because they could fall on them. Okay, I get her point, keep the kids away from the stuff. I've been trying, but it is very hard. I have two of them to watch, after all, and I'm trying to use my eyes to decide what to buy, too. (Ugg, I hate how whiny I sound here already!) So, I grab Jacob's hand and go searching for Ethan who has wandered off again while I am speaking to her. She finds him first, unfortunately, and brings him to me. She is holding some small object, and she says, "See this is what I'm talking about. He was trying to eat this. You really need to keep them with you...." And I don't remember the rest, something about how it wasn't the type of store where kids can just explore etc. etc. Now, what she said about him eating it is very unlikely, he never puts anything in his mouth. We could barely feed him when he was little because he didn't even want a nipple in his mouth. But nonetheless, I'm sure he was messing with it, and it was not a good thing. I don't blame her for not wanting my kids to wreck havoc in her store.

So, I put away all the stuff in the cart, because I am not capable of deciding that quickly what I want to get for sure. The whole time I am doing this I am holding Ethan, originally on my hip but then under my arm like a football because he twisted around trying to escape. And he is shouting, "No! No! I wan down! I wan down!" And I am trying to get Jacob to stay right next to me and touch nothing, but he's not really obeying (but at least not throwing a fit like Ethan), and he's starting to pout as my voice gets more strict.

After putting every item back where it belonged, I put away the cart, and I usher the kids out the door. Jacob says, "Are we going to McDonald's now?" Of course the answer is no, I can't reward them with McDonald's playground after this incident! So Jacob starts to wail in the parking lot while I'm buckling in Ethan. I remembered then that I needed to see about the item Ethan had supposedly tried to eat - if it was damaged I wanted to pay for it. I leave the kids in the running car, which is right in front of the glass-front store (but I'm still thinking the store lady will probably say in horror, "Did you just leave your kids in the car?!?"), and run back inside to ask about the item. She says "don't worry about it." So I head off to the McDonald's drive-through, because it would be punishing myself more than them to not at least get food (it was the playground that would have been a reward).

Jacob stopped crying on the way home before I did. Shortly after I handed him his hamburger, he seemed to forget anything had happened. Meanwhile I was quietly sobbing ("Mommy, are you laughing?") all the way home. I mean, what does this incident say about me? Why wouldn't the kids obey me? Do I just ignore too much at home because I don't want to deal with it? I know we are relaxed parents; we don't have a lot of rules or worry about a lot of issues that others might consider a big deal. Our boys run and wrestle and throw balls in the house. They pretend to duel with sticks as swords outside, and we let them climb high things and jump off of things. We want to let them be boys and conquer their world. But I'd like to think that we do have boundaries that we enforce. But maybe not, if they can't obey when it matters. I was just so saddened by the incident. I feel like I have a lot to think about this afternoon, but I feel like it is all a muddled mess in my mind.

Early Riser

So, Ethan has decided that 6:30 is his favorite wake-up time. Well, sometimes it is 6:00 or 7:00 or even 5:30 or 7:15, but I would say on average, it is 6:30. The problem is, I do not wake up until 8:00 or 8:30. Maybe I open my eyes and walk around before then, but my mind and soul is protesting with every fiber of its being. We have now explained to Jacob what the word "grumpy" means - it has become sadly relevant to his daily life.

The worst is that Ethan doesn't act rested and chipper - just wide awake and mad. So I get to listen to him scream while I battle against everything in me telling me that I should be asleep. I have tried putting him to bed earlier, later, anything I can think to try, and we still end up awake at 6:30 am and neither of us happy.

I wonder how I can reset my circadian rhythms. I mean, surely I can train myself to be awake at 6:30, right? I would need to be asleep by 10:30, which is basically impossible in our home, but then it would work, right? However, all through high school, trying to get up at 6:30 or 7, my body never got used to it - it was always painful. So I worry that I am genetically programmed to not wake up early.

On another topic, I have called the landlord about Ethan's room smelling like cats. They are going to come pull up the carpet and put primer on the cement. The carpet in the entire apartment was cleaned before we moved in, so they don't think it could be the carpet itself. And now Heath informs me, "I have never smelled cats in that room!" Maybe it is my sleep deprivation causing me to smell imaginary cat odor...

I truly need a day of rest. We have missed out because of using weekends to work on our house to get it on the market. (And who knows how much longer we will continue to miss out before it is ready?)

s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d

Today I logged back onto my blog after a long hiatus in order to make sure it was suitable for reading by people who actually know me. :-S Some of our friends have blogs now, and I could post comments using my blogger name, except I wasn't sure I wanted to until I checked it over. I decided, I guess it is ok.

Today and yesterday have been awful, terrible, days I want to forget and never live through again. We just moved, 2 weeks ago Saturday, and so there is all the normal craziness, must-get-done-or-the-world-will-fall-apart things. But then I have 2 small children set on defying me and making my head explode. No, really. I mean, Jacob actually said, "I'm going to ______" whatever I had just asked him not to do, in a sing-song, elementary school teasing voice. I said, "Well you better not or you will get in trouble." He says, "YOU'LL get in trouble." It would be funny if it wasn't so infuriating. Meanwhile Ethan pooped on the floor this morning and his room smells inexplicably like cats. (The floor-poop incident didn't happen in his room if that is what you are thinking....) They are also both determined to remove every rubber piece off of every door stopper in the apartment, and store them in their mouths until discovered (we didn't have these in our previous home). Then, our new bank wanted to hold the funds from Heath's first paycheck in our account for 5 days before we could access them. Hello, bills?

Come back tomorrow, everything will be better then. Right? We honestly have been having a good time in our new city, until this recent personality transformation in our children. I know that God wants us here, and He will help us through it all. We're being stretched, but stretched isn't always bad, you know? (feels terrible awful today, but hopefully I will be happy in the long run when I learn to clean poop off the floor with a smile) Meanwhile my only goal in life is to find a babysitter so we can have date nights (or even just 5 minutes away from our children).

temper tantrums

I have never seen someone throw such temper tantrums as my son, Jacob. Well, except for maybe me. Granted, I have not been around many kids day in and day out. But, whenever I did get a glimpse of a temper tantrum, I would always think, "I am never going to let my kids behave like that!" Maybe I was so vehement about it because it was actually a demonstration of feelings I myself still struggle with. And now I am faced with them in a very concrete way in my son.

I know, I know, "Kids need rules and boundaries; they need to know who is the boss." But that is so very hard. It doesn't seem right to purposefully inflict pain on my children in order to get them to do the right thing. I know that they don't yet have internal control (do I, either?), and they need the external control to help them make the right decisions (maybe this is what I need, too?). I know they don't really want to disobey but sometimes without repercussions it is beyond them to make the right choices. Their natural curiosity makes them test limits and push farther and farther until they hit a brick wall (literally or figuratively). Yet, it seems there should be a more sophisticated, more subtle way to help them make the right choices and be their external conscience until they develop an internal one. Ultimately, I want them to learn to turn the other cheek. But in teaching non-violence, do I want to sacrifice my children learning that they are not the center of the world, learning to respect authority, learning that there are rules that must be followed?

I remember as a child thinking, "why do they have the right to tell me what to do?!? why do my desires and thoughts and opinions deserve less consideration than theirs?" And that is how we treat children, you know. We have such a double standard, in which an adult who is offended or has a request or opinion is listened to and accomodated as much as constraints will allow, but a child with a request is often dismissed without explanation or even trying to accomodate. That is why I do try to actually listen to my children and give them an explanation for the judgments I hand down, and I try to accomodate when I can, asking myself "Is there some way we can both get what we want and need in this situation?" Just like I would with an adult. However, ultimately, maybe we adults need to take a cue from what we are trying to teach our children, and be less defensive of having our desires and thoughts and opinions considered as much as anyone else's. We all need to learn to be less selfish, along with being more considerate toward both adults and children.

Anyway, back to spanking. Although it seems like there should be a better way, I don't think there is any way around it. If Jacob insists on getting out of bed over and over when he needs to sleep, then other than getting him to stay by spanking him, I could literally hold him down in his bed. But then, inevitably, Ethan would start crying for a bottle or something. I suppose if I only had one child, maybe I could employ these other methods. But then, what about when I leave and he gets up again? Do I continue to go into his room and hold him in bed to fall asleep? It seems the only workable solution is convincing him of the merits of staying in bed of his own will. And so far, only spanking has done that. He's not exactly to reasoning age. Maybe it would work to say he could have a treat when he gets up or that he will get something taken away if he doesn't stay in bed, but so far those sort of punishments/rewards have not had much effect. If he wants something, he wants it NOW - 2 hours from now are irrelevant.

So, I keep doing it - for big issues anyway, like staying in bed for naps and nighttime and not hitting, that sort of thing. But I still think if he wasn't my child and it hadn't happened gradually, I would be horrified at the level of disrespect he shows toward me - shouting "no" at me (shouting at me at all, in fact), running away from me when I try to change his diaper or clothes, throwing screaming kicking fits when I tell him he can't have something. I sometimes think, if I am going to spank, maybe I need to deal with his attitude with spanking, too.

And then there is the issue of pottying, which he is determined to have his way with as well... but that is another topic for another day. :-)