sales pressure woes

I really dislike interacting with sales people.  It's funny, because my dad was a salesman, but I don't think he was the kind of salesman I'm talking about.  I remember in high school, when I would go shopping at the "cool stores" in the mall, and when the salesperson approached I always tried to act as disinterested as possible and tell them I was just browsing.  I would get so annoyed at my mom during these trips because she would often have the audacity to actually speak with the salesperson and tell them what we were shopping for!  That, and I was a teenager, so I was frequently annoyed with my mom.  But my point is, I have long avoided interaction with salespeople, so much do I dislike the anxiety it creates in me.  As you might imagine, trying to shop for souvenirs in third world countries was a nightmare for me.

Well, we're in the midst of this furnace shopping ordeal.  Not quite third world bartering, but I was surprised by the amount of sales tactics I had to endure today.  It just leaves me feeling... BAD inside.  Yet I know the salesman is just trying to do his job and is probably doing a really good job at it, actually.  I'm sure his pitch allows a lot of customers to feel really good about spending a lot of money on his product, and he probably brings in really good revenues for his company.  I, on the other hand, would rather buy the furnace on the internet in order to save $600, and then find someone qualified to install it for me.  You think I'm joking, but I'm actually not.  

I had the sheer stupidity to ask this salesperson (who I initially mistook for a furnace technician, or I might not have asked the question) how much it would cost just for installation if we purchased our own product.  (Sigh.)  I could immediately tell he did NOT like the idea and thought it was an utterly ridiculous suggestion.  When he asked if I had the equipment there for him to see, and I told him we hadn't decided whether to order 80% or 95% efficiency yet, and that part of that depended on estimates we got for installation, he seized on what he perceived as my ineptitude, and proceeded to tell me how there was a LOT more to it than just efficiency and how a regular person couldn't possibly know how to choose a furnace for themselves because there are a lot of factors to consider etc. etc.  He stopped long enough to ask how I was planning on choosing a furnace.  I told him we'd gotten an estimate from another company first, and we were basing our size on what they recommended, plus on internet research I'd done to corroborate their recommendation.  He went into his speech again about how furnaces aren't sized like they used to be, there are a lot more factors to consider, and how he is an expert at this and very good at what he does and he would be able to tell us the proper size and to make sure that nothing was off with any little part of it that could make the whole system not work as well.

See, what I do when people talk to me like this is I kind of freeze and open my eyes wide and nod attentively, and say, "oh!" and "uh-huh."  I don't like to argue, so I don't tell him that I've spent the last couple of weeks perusing the HVAC forums online and reading articles, and that I know about the Manual J calcs and all the info that needs to go into them, i.e. insulation amounts, window sizes, roof material, siding material, as well as square feet. How I am perfectly aware the other company we got the quote from did not do a Manual J calc and instead based their recommendation on our square footage, as many HVAC contractors still do in order to save time, despite the industry agreeing the Manual J calc is the best way to size a system.  I don't tell him that I know there is a lot more to choosing a furnace than simply choosing 80% or 90% efficiency, that I know we also have to choose the number of BTUs for the furnace and number of tons for the AC and whether to choose R22 or R410A refrigerant, and that I have already researched what the proper size is likely to be for our home online.  Instead, I stand there and nod, probably giving the appearance that I am eagerly listening and amazed at what I'm being told.

After he finishes his spiel, he asks me what I want to do.  I think, "Huh?  I thought I already told you?"  But I try to play along.  "Well...  Let's do this.  I'd like to get a quote for what it would cost to install a system if we did purchase the equipment from your company."  He's at my house already, and I figure it will be helpful to see a comparison to the other quote we had gotten.  Maybe his would be lower or he would convince me for some other reason to go with his company and not order the equipment online.  I am giving him a fair chance.  Besides, I am truly interested in what the Manual J calc will turn out, if it will match the square footage estimate or not.  I was too cheap to buy the $49 homeowners version to perform the calculation myself.

Right after I agreed to this, Heath walked in the door.  Thank God!  I had been thinking the whole time the man was speaking to me, "Heath, I told you I didn't want to tell the guy we wanted to buy the system online, but you told me he wouldn't be offended, that it's just business.  Don't ever make me do this again!"  I called Heath downstairs, and  begged off that I had to finish cooking lunch.  I could hear the man giving his spiel to Heath now.

Heath came upstairs after a little while and asked in a hushed voice, "How much did you say the system online cost?"  I told him.  "He said it would be ....!"  And named an amount 2.5 times larger than ordering online and hiring the first company we'd contacted to do installation only. We sat and ate our lunch in uneasy silence until the salesman came up to ask us some more questions.  He went outside to do some more calculations, and I told Heath he could not leave again until the salesman was gone.  Finally, he came back in and sat down with us to explain what product he was going to recommend, although he did not have the estimate ready yet because he still had to put all the numbers into the Manual J calc program and see which size we would need.  We would need to set up another meeting to discuss the actual estimate. He reiterated how important it was to have experts do the job and do it right, and how he was an expert and would make sure the job was done right, and how it was highly unlikely the quote would be any less than such-and-such amount.  He said that if someone else gave us a quote as low as the amount Heath had mentioned that we should turn and run from them because they were going to do a poor job.

I knew we were in trouble when at the end of the presentation he complimented us on how he could tell we were really taking in everything he said and wanted to understand it (I'm telling you, it's the big doe eyes and the constant nodding and uh-huh-ing).  How it wasn't our fault we didn't know these things (um, we actually did), and that if people would just take the time to explain it... (making a jab at the competitor).  He also said, "Sounds good?" at the end of his presentation, like he was fairly sure we'd bought everything he'd said and were convinced.  I finally gave my only indication of hesitation, saying "Well, we'll have to consider... " and trailing off impotently.  Heath said something that sounded more confident but just as vague.

(Sigh again.)  

We set up another meeting time to get the actual estimate.  I told Heath that I'm trying to give the guy a fair chance still, and I will consider his product and the reasons he gave us for going with their (way) more expensive quote.

Plus, I want to see that Manual J calc before I order our system online, anyway. 

please vote in my poll

I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around this choice and what makes the most sense. Maybe some of you can offer perspective. Please vote in the poll on the right, and comment on this post if you have anything else to say about it. Thank you!

friends

Does anyone remember when I said in a post a while back how I was concerned that Ethan was missing something by not going to preschool? How I was concerned that he wasn't getting appropriate stimulation, that he seemed bored and restless at home with me all day, and wanted to just play video games and watch TV?

Well, Jacob's friendship with the neighbor boy, who we call Ethan H. in order to distinguish from our Ethan (yes, it is confusing), has been a double blessing in that Ethan H. has a little brother, Aiden, who is 4, just like our Ethan. At first, our Ethan would only go over to their house with Jacob after school and seemed to be more interested in what the big boys were doing (i.e. cool video games) than what Aiden was playing. But gradually Ethan and Aiden have developed their own friendship, and now Ethan wants to have Aiden come over during the day. It has worked out splendidly. I feel like it's mini-preschool for him, a chance to socialize and learn to get along with others his own age, minus circle time. He is no longer nagging me or sitting in front of a screen; he is outside hunting monsters or rediscovering his toys in the playroom through the fresh eyes of his friend. It is a really a huge blessing. I feel like God has met our need in a way that I could not have anticipated and in a way that I am actually more pleased with than I would have been with taking him to preschool, I think.

Here are a couple of pictures of them being silly today. Notice the weapons they carry, which are vital to backyard adventures, where droids or monsters may need to be killed at any second.

night terrors

One of the challenges we have had to face as parents of Jacob is enduring his night terrors and loving him through them.

He hadn't had one for quite a while - months, I'd say, or has it even been a year? - until this week. If you aren't familiar with night terrors, let me explain. A night terror is not a bad dream. There is no waking up and discussing the dream and being comforted. In fact, the person experiencing it doesn't even remember it the next morning and is usually impossible to awaken. Rather, it is more related to sleep walking and other sleep disorders than it is to nightmares. It begins with the child waking up screaming. You go in to comfort the child but are completely unable to comfort him, and in fact, your touches may provoke more screaming and writhing. So, realizing it is a night terror, you wait it out, watching over the child to make sure he doesn't hurt himself. After a while, he calms down, usually abruptly. He is peacefully back asleep, while your nerves are rattled and shaken.

It seems that Jacob's night terrors are often triggered by his allergies and asthma. It seems that if he doesn't have full capacity to breathe, when he slips into a deep sleep he awakens screaming. For a while, when he would frequently awaken screaming, we knew it meant one of two things - he needed to pee and was painfully holding it but unable to wake up enough to get to the bathroom, or he needed his inhaler. If he was very tired, his brain wouldn't even attempt to wake him up to get to the bathroom, but he would wake up with breathing trouble no matter what, and more often than not, he was in the night terror state. In other words, it was no use trying to talk to him. So, we have given many inhaler and breathing treatments through screams. We always figured, at least he was sucking in big breaths of the medicine.

So last night, close to 11 pm, Jacob abruptly jumped down from his bed and stumbled out to the couch and curled up into a ball. He would not respond to me at all, but he wasn't screaming either. I was getting ready to go to bed, and Heath was already in bed, so I went to get Heath to carry Jacob back to bed, thinking maybe he was just making a sleepy attempt to escape his bed. I stayed in our bedroom, but shortly heard screaming, and came out to find Jacob partially in Heath's arms, both sitting on the floor, and Jacob screaming blood-curdling screams and kicking and writhing. We made the normal attempts to communicate with him, and then sat back to wait it out together, talking in soothing voices and keeping him from kicking hard objects. Eventually I suggested that we try putting him in the bed between us, so that maybe he would know he was safe and calm down. Thankfully, it worked. Or maybe it was just time for the night terror to be over. Near the end, when he was still screaming, I was trying to stroke his hair or arm, and Heath reminded me that it doesn't help, it seems to just irritate him more. Finally, he abruptly stopped screaming. He reached up and tucked his right ear in, like he used to while sucking his binky. Heath and I looked at each other and nodded; it was over for now. In seconds he was conked out in a deep peaceful sleep. I laid next to him and let my arm rest next to his raised arm, next to his chest so I could feel his deep, steady breaths, and we let him stay in our bed for a little while.

I am always struck by how our children being in danger brings out a deep, almost primal love from within us. I know the night terrors are harmless, but seeing his face frozen in an expression of terror with mouth wide open screaming still triggers that response in me. The feelings and the situation itself seem to underscore the nature of my relationship with my firstborn. Tumult cushioned by fierce dedication. Perplexity moderated by deep attachment and delight in exactly who he is.

There has been more drama and emotion in my relationship with him than with my other children, and sometimes I say it's because he is more like me, but I don't really know that that's the case. He wants to be near someone all the time; I need time alone. He still throws violent, unpredictable, lengthy tantrums; I indulged only in milder tantrums typical for young children and outgrew them at a typical age. He has resisted almost every direction I've ever given him; I am very uncomfortable breaking the rules. But still, even when he resists me and pushes my buttons, even when I am most perplexed at his insistent struggle to have complete control over every detail of his own life, his emotions resonate with me. I think maybe it is a suspicion that the only difference between him and I is that I am quietly angry and quietly rebellious and quietly struggling to control every detail of my life, while he is dramatically so. (Yet aren't we all quietly struggling with things like this to some degree?) So, hopefully, as I discover ways to confront my quiet anger and rebellion and desire for control, I can help him deal with his. In the meanwhile, I will fiercely love and protect him.